#but at the same time the negatives (that are mostly in my head but they are still real things and they still hurt) are so much louder

[llively-12]

Lost in your moves

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Hirai Momo x female reader

Warnings: Self doubt, mentions of Jihyo, Nayeon, and Sana, mentions of alcohol and partying.

Story: You meet momo during the preparations for sixteen. The Japanese dancer steals your attention right away.

Authors note: This is my first story. I honestly think I went through the five stages of grief while writing this. It took so long to write the story, and I was very hesitant with everything I wrote, but I think that I'm happy with the end product now. English is not my first language, so if there are any mistakes, I apologise profusely. I hope you enjoy reading it♥︎

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The sounds of bedsheets ruslting and the warm feeling of the sun wake you from your sleep. Your dream is long gone and already forgotten as you stretch your limbs, earning a few pops.

This is your third day in South Korea, and also your third day at the JYP company. Even though Korea is an amazing new experience, you're still doubting your decision to move here.

The company noticed you through simple videos that you posted on social media. Your passion and talent in dancing gave you a fair amount of media attention. But you never thought that such a big company would want you as a trainee.

Your parents were doubtful. No normal parents just sent their child off to practice at a company far away from home. You had to do a lot of chores and improve your grades to convince them. After all, they just wanted to look out for you. You knew that this could be your big chance as an idol, or just another waste of time as your grandparents said.

You were glad that they wouldn't be hearing from your escort to the company, as you begged your parents to keep this secret. It was something you wanted to experience on your own, without any negative disturbance. You didn't need the worried glances or the scepticism.

Your feet meet the cold ground, and small goosebumps rush over your body as you get up from the bed, the blanket falling from your waist and onto the mattress. The room is small. Two beds, a small bathroom, a table, two closets, and a window. The door connects to the hallway. Other trainees settled in around the same times as you did. Though you haven't spoken to them yet.

You were focused on unpacking and getting to know your new home. Meeting new people was always a rough path for you. Awkward talks were your daily occurrence, and you still needed to figure out how to act here. Were you one of the shy ones? The cool dancers? The super sick vocalists?

Questions that plaqued your mind from day one. You heard that you'd be getting a roommate. But she hasn't arrived yet. You hope it's someone cool, as your feet drag over to the bathroom.

♧

The sound of shoes squeaking against floorboards echoes the practice room walls. The mirror wall is slightly fogged up. Sweat rolls of your forehead as you try to keep up with the song playing through the boxes.

The feeling of your sweaty shirt sticking against your skin fills your mind. Your moves get sloppier, and your feet rush to new positions. The song stops abruptly. You freeze, your head moving until your eyes meet another pair.

"Your movements are sloppy, and you're too slow. Try keeping up with the tempo." The dance teacher is strict, direct, and mean. Nothing you ever experienced within dancing classes.

Your dance skills are based on passion, binding experiences, and mostly trust. Back in your hometown, dancing is something people do for fun. Nobody looks for the small mistakes. It matters that the people are having fun.

Here, it's different. You can't even remember a moment when you wanted to quit dancing this bad as you are right now. The dance teacher waits for you to start over. She raises an eyebrow.

A red hue tints your cheeks as you quickly move into the starting position. The song plays from the top, but it's not long until it stops again.

The same critique. The same look. The same annoyed and bothered tone in her voice as she 'corrects' your form. Frustrations build up within you. You huff and get back into your starting position. The day goes on with sharp critique, suppressed anger, and hidden tears, rolling from your face anytime she wouldn’t look.

The way back to your room is filled with silence. You’ve never been this devastated after any dance practice. Your self-doubt keeps growing with every day you stay at this company. Why would they court you if you’re apparently this bad?

It doesn't make any sense. Metaphoric dark clouds wrap around your head, your mind too caught up in the rage, and the worry that you don't notice almost running into someone. Only the slamming of her shoulder against yours pulls you out of your tunnel thoughts.

Her hair is dark, almost flowing in the air with the speed that she's walking. You don't notice her face or her outfit, but she leaves an impression. You stumble, and your body tilts to the side.

A puff leaves your lips as you shake your head and keep going.

♧

You haven't entered your room since practice this morning, so the new suitcase and the bag surprise you. Had someone entered your room? Did your roommate arrive? Who is she, and why isn't she here?

You avoid bumping into her stuff and head for the bathroom. The warm shower soothes your tense muscles and takes your mind off of the problems you faced during practice. The air takes over the smell of your shampoo, and it almost feels like you're home again, back with your family.

A smile adorns your face, the thought of your family bringing you joy. You step out of the shower, wrapping a towel around your body while still blissfully thinking about good memories.

Nothing could ruin your mood. Not even the girl that now sits on the other bed opposite from yours, staring at you.

Wait.

You freeze in your tracks and look at the girl. A scream leaves your mouth as you hide behind the bathroom door, peeking out to stare into the bedroom.

The girl looks equally as shocked. Her eyes wide open. She lets out a squeal and covers her eyes.

"Who are you?" You ask the girl with slight panic.

But she doesn't answer. Her hand moves around on the bed to find something. She is still holding her eyes closed with the other one.

Multitasking is not her strong suit as she knocks something of the bed. You quickly rush into the room and throw on some clothes, not bothering which one you picked.

"It's fine, it's fine. I'm dressed. You can open your eyes now."

But she doesn't. She's sitting there, biting her lip anxiously. It does look a bit stupid, but you also wouldn't react any other way.

You take small steps to approach her. Your hand slowly lifts up and meets hers. You take her hand off of her eyes and smile slightly. It's an awkward smile, but the best you can offer for now.

Her wide dark eyes meet yours. She honestly looks like a racoon. She offers you a shy smile back.

Both of you don't know how to respond. The evening ends with you going to bed early. She hasn't spoken a single word the whole time since she arrived here. It's odd, but you're not better if you think about it.

♧

Why is she so much better than you?

That's the only question that has been running through your mind since you've watched her dance.

Her name is Hirai Momo. She is about the same age as you, and she is from Japan, which explains why she's not that talkative. Her korean is basically none existent.

Momo has been a dancer since she was three years old. She was also spotted by the JYP company. You’ve heard these rumours during lunch.

The way her body hits the moves better than yours ever will makes you almost storm out of the practice room. But you don't want to act like a toddler. Your dance teacher is already annoyed with you. An incident like this could get you eliminated.

You have never experienced it, but the stories almost fly through the company halls. Trainees that were sent home because of their "bad" performances.

There's also been rumours about mistreatment towards trainees. All of this makes your stomach churn.

Her shoes don't squeak when they move over the floor. They stomp in confidence. Her arms don't flail around like yours between position changes. They sit tight or have a different pose to hit.

It's almost like she's been here before. Danced this routine before you did. Why is she so good?

Jealousy boils inside you like it's never done before. You have never been a jealous person, never wished for someone to make a mistake or do something wrong, but this, this was different.

Everything that had been pushing you down the past week kept getting heavier. It's like you're about to crumble under the weight. Your legs feel like jelly even though you're sitting. Your arms feel like they are burning from over exhaustion even though you're resting them.

It's like an endless spiral, pulling you down a long path of confusing emotions and rash thoughts. Your fists clench, and your feet push into the ground.

The music fades away, and the song is over. You have never made it this far in any dance routine. The trainer always stopped you before you had even gotten the chance to approach the end of the song.

It's frustrating, and it's making you tired, and mad.

Your eyes squint a faint little bit as they meet hers across the room. You try to seem nonchalant, but you're not. You're literally about to explode with pent-up frustration.

Her eyes soften a bit. It almost looks like she's pitying you. You don't need her to worry. You don't need her at all. You want her gone. Out of this room, out of this company.

"Y/N?"

The trainer looks at you. Your body moves up and gets into position.

Every dance move is shaky, uneven, almost incorrect. You have never been this bad.

The trainer stops the song with a sigh. Her eyes eat you up like a lioness. The sheer panic that runs through your vains as soon as her gaze meets yours is indescribable. Like you're about to suffer from a panic attack.

"Maybe you should train with Momo. She could teach you a lot."

Those words shatter you. You want to cry, to run away. This was not how you imagined your career to be going.

Sure, there would be rough paths, but this was just pulling at your ego, pulling at your self-esteem.

We're you really that bad?

♧

The atmosphere in your room is tense. Momo had been sitting on her bed, varying between staring at the wall or her phone. She was still very quiet.

You, on the other hand, were trying to get some sleep. All of this stress has been eating you up.

Your blanket is fluffed up, and some plushies are sharing your warmth. The sound of soft breaths and occasional sounds from the hallway fill the air. Your eyes had been stealing some glances at Momo, gauching at what she was doing.

You would be lying if you said you weren't a tad bit interested in her. She caught your attention after the last few dance practices.

Her hair is silky black, and her eyes are a very dark brown, almost black. The way they ghost over her phone screen and focus on different words is almost enthralling. Sometimes, she licks her lips if they are dry.

You don't notice her also looking at you until she clears her throat. It's a very awkward croak sound. It sounds like she's having a voice crack.

She glances at you, her cheeks lightly pink from embarrassment. Your cheeks match hers quickly. You quickly turn to the wall and pull your blanket higher up, so it's covering your ear.

You just hope she doesn't think that your behaviour is weird.

♧

It's still dark outside as your alarm wakes you from your peaceful slumber. You haven't had this much of a rest in days. You put out the alarm and get up a bit quicker than usual. There is dedication pinned in your mind. The dedication to get better.

Momo's arrival had only shown you how much more you needed to improve. This wasn't a place where you danced for fun. This is a competition, and if you don't keep up, you're out.

Momo has also gotten up. She is in the bathroom, doing her hair. You get next to her and brush your teeth. The silence is awkward. She smiles at you, and you smile back.

You don't even know if Momo is annoying or just a bit clumsy. You can't really stay mad at her for long, either. It's like she's an exception to every condition in your head. Like your mind just makes up excuses to like her, even though you don't want to.

She's got this special something that you just can't explain. The way her body moves when she dances. The way her eyes focus while she learns korean. And the way she looks at you.

At first, you hated the way she looked at you. Now it's like you need her to look at you, to notice you, and your dedication to meet her standards. You feel like some crazy fan who tries to impress their idol, and in some ways you were.

During the days that Momo got here, she befriended another Japanese girl, Sana. They always chat during lunchtime or hang out after practice. I guess it's just a relief that someone here speaks the same language that she does. You sometimes wish there were also people from your hometown. Just someone who knows how you feel.

♧

Jihyo nudges you while you're staring at your phone. She's been your only friend since training started. Her warm and open personality makes you feel welcome. She was also the one that initiated this friendship.

Jihyo is one of the top trainees. Amazing voice, a powerful dance, and the perfect stage presence. Everything an idol needed. You're still wondering why she befriended you, though.

It's not like you're the most entertaining, or funny, or interesting. You're just there most of the time, just hanging around and not bothering the trainees around you.

It’s like Jihyo is mostly hanging out with you out of pity. She never made her intentions clear or showed her ulterior motives with you.

„Isn’t Momo your roommate?“ Jihyo broke through your thoughts. She always made you come back to earth when you were high up, somewhere between spacing out and almost falling asleep.

You nod and focus your gaze on Momo. She’s talking with Sana, sometimes laughing at a joke the other Japanese girl made.

jihyo notices your gaze. Her smirk widens. She nudges you again.

„Are you into her?“

„What? No…“ Your head snaps to jihyo, but after a tiny amount of consideration you turn your head back to Momo. Well she is beautiful, and talented, and funny, and-

„Stop daydreaming and ask her out.“ Jihyo interrupts you again.

„You know I can’t. The company is strict with dating. Let alone with queer couples.“

Jihyo quietens down. She knows about Koreas problem with queer couples and the social views. She herself has experienced it. The way people look at you, when they suspicion something.

Jihyo had told you a few days ago that she had a situationship with Sana. It's funny how both you had fallen for the Japanese girls. Jihyo mentioned that they made out after a party. Sneaking out at night and partying was something most of the trainees did. You, on the other hand, were an exception, being too busy and focused on training and improving to party.

“I know how it is. Maybe you should let loose sometimes and come with me. The club is not far from here, and it’s hidden from the company. Nobody cares if you make out with a girl. At least not there.“

„I don’t know, ji, but maybe I want more than just making out. I’m confused.“

„I’ve seen Momo at the club. And she is not confused when it comes to making out with other girls-

"Shut up, jihyo."

Both of you stay silent.

"You should really go for it, though. Imagine the regret you'll feel when things don't go the way you planned. Then you wasted an opportunity."

Later that night, jihyos words still linger in your mind. Maybe you should hop onto the opportunity. As your body slowly drifts to sleep, you think of Momo and how you could ask her out.

♧

Jihyo throws some clothes at you. It had been a week since she ‚dared‘ you to ask Momo out. Only now you realised your potential. Jihyo immediately arranged a sneak out to the club. She had many contacts around the trainees. One other trainee, Nayeon, mostly arranged club nights and searched for different clubs to attend.

Well, you don't exactly have any clothes that match a party night, so Jihyo decided to help you out. She had been out and about at the club for a few solid times, so you trusted her. She's going with Sana tonight. The Japanese girl would meet her later that evening.

The more you think about tonight, the bigger your concern grows. What if Momo doesn't show up to the club? Or worse, what if she thinks you're a total loser and won't accept your confession?

"Try this on." Jihyo throws some dress at you. It's short and body tight.

You put it on and awkwardly glance at Jihyo. The older girl whistles and winks at you.

"Don't worry. You look hot."

"Thanks..."

"Come on. Get your spirits up. I'll bet she will like you."

"I hope she will..."

♧

Loud music drums through the club. The smell of sweat and alcohol dominates the air as many people are moving their bodies on the dancefloor.

You stand at the wall, observing every face, every emotion that you can find. It's not like you don't want to dance or drink. It's just that you can't really grasp the energy of this club. The vibes are not really getting to you.

Jihyo had been long gone ever since she saw Sana. 'She is so lucky,' you think to yourself as you take another small sip from your glass.

The taste lingers on your tongue as the liquid burns down your throat. You haven't had any alcohol in this long, and even the thought of drinking makes you quite dizzy. Not to mention that you didn't eat anything beforehand, so now the alcohol has a strong effect on you.

It's only then that you spot her face across the room. She is dancing. Why shouldn't she? Her moves are amazing, and your eyes linger on her while you take another sip.

She doesn't notice you immediately, but when she does, it's like her whole mood changed.

Suddenly, you're too shy about this. The music, the smell, the people. It's all too much. You flee towards the bar and order another drink while gulping your recent one down.

The bartender eyes you with suspicion, but he doesn't question your intent and pours you another drink.

From there on, only blurred memories enter your mind. Slurred words leave your mouth, and drunk movements make mistakes.

♧

The headache almost kills you. Your eyes are faintly opened while you try to locate where you've stranded. Jihyo shakes her head as she notices your state. Next to her is Sana. She giggles a bit and then goes back to learning Korean. The sound of her pencil scribbling something down is the only sound for a while.

Jihyo almost glares at you.

"Are you out of your mind? We had to carry you back here. Is that your definition of 'partying' and 'asking someone out'?"

She is mad, and you know it. Her eyes almost glowed red from anger.

"Sorry..."

You could voice act as a frog right now, all croaky and raspy.

You don't remember anything from last night. The blurred thoughts keep your actions hidden from your mind.

"Momo enjoyed it, though. I don't know what she sees in you."

What? Momo enjoyed what?

"Can you guys give me the details of what happened last night?"

"You were all over Momo. Not in that way, but you were talking her ear off. Something about her dancing? I don't know."

Jihyo muses and helps Sana with her korean homework.

"So nothing embarrassing happened?"

"Not that I remember."

Your head falls back into the pillow. How could you be this embarrassing? You just hope Momo is not freaked out by your behaviour yet.

♧

Momo is mostly found in the dancing room. Today seems to be no exception, as you see her getting ready for another dance practice.

After making yourself known, you talk with her for a while. Or at least you try to.

Her korean is still a bit broken, but you're both trying your best to communicate and make out each other's sentences.

You apologise for your behaviour and invite her to hang out at a local restaurant.

She agrees and seems to be very happy about the invitation.

The rest of the day is filled with laughter and getting to know each other. It's almost healing as you two haven't had a nice conversation in weeks, both too shy to strike up a conversation with the other person.

Now it's almost like you've known her for weeks. She is still a bit reserved, but it's not that bad like it was when you guys first talked.

♧

The atmosphere of the restaurant is nice. Warm lights fill up the place and give it a cosy vibe. The smell of fresh Asian food fills your nostrils and engraves in your mind. You slurp up some noodles and smile at Momo, who is sitting in front of you.

She is focused on her food and rarely glances up at you. You smile to yourself. It's endearing to see her love for food.

"How are you?"

You break through the silence and the sound of dishes clattering. Momo looks up.

"Fine. You?"

"I'm good as well, thanks."

Momo smiles and does little thumbs up. The evening is filled with little conversations and a bit of flirting.

You learn about her hometown and her past. It's nice to hear her talk about things she adores. On the other hand, you try to tell her about your past.

You compliment her on her dancing skills, and she smiles.

It's a bit awkward, but enough for two teenagers that try to have something romantic. Jihyo will definitely laugh at you.

After you finish dinner, Momo and you take a walk around the streets.

You both end up at a park near the company. The air is nice and crisp, wind blows through your hair, and pushes small strands into your face. You both sit down on a bench and watch the night sky.

Tomorrow would be another day at the company, filled with practising and exhaustion, but neither you nor Momo seem to care. It's like the night slows down the time.

Trees in the distance rustle, and leaves fall from the small branches into the grass. Autumn is on its way. You zip up your jacket and glance at Momo.

She is already looking at you. Her eyes rake over your face, and she analyzes the different features. You would give millions to hear her thoughts right now.

But, that's not necessary. Her hand meets your cheek. It's warm and comforting. Her thumb slowly rubbed over your bottom lip. Your mouth parts slightly to catch a breath, and before you know it, she's kissing you.

It's more of a peak, but that does not matter right now. Her lips are slightly chapped due to the cold weather. Your hand finds hers and slowly interwines your fingers.

A few more pecks are shared, and as the air gets colder, the sky grows darker. The only thing that's important is you and her.

Nothing matters. Just her kissing you. You don't know if this thing would last. You just hope it will.

♡

[transmasc-tabris]

More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)

[the-kipsabian]

.

[hoseokslefteyebrow]

In which the first years find out you're engaged, and to whom.

Arranged marriage au.

In which you meet for the first time.

" You're already engaged?!" 

Nobara Kugisaki's mouth is wide open as she grabs your hand, studying the ring that fits you taste.

You smile at her reaction as you nod, allowing her to look at it. 

Today, you, along with the other second years, are training the first years, as Gojo was sent off to a mission. 

Currently, everyone was seated on the lush ground.

Nobara can't see it, but from opposite you, Toge grins, his blush and expression hidden behind his high collar.

" Why? You're so young! He must be amazing if he managed to pull you!" 

You blush at her words.

" Thanks. It started out as an arranged marriage actually."

" What?- Wait so you don't love him? Do we need to help you get rid of him and escape?"

Nobara is serious, and you can't help but snort.

" Ah, don't worry-"

Your gaze shies away, the hand she's holding pulling away as you pluck at the grass below you. You blush as you continue to speak.

" We might've started out arranged, but we've fallen for each other along the line."

Nobara blinks, taken by surprise.

" How long have you known each other?"

" Since halfway through middle school. We were introduced with the announcement of our marriage."

" I see. When are you getting married?- Oh, I'm invited too, right? Do you need a maid of honor?"

You smile at her enthusiasm.

" We're set to marry once we graduate. And of course you're invited. Maki's already my maid of honor though."

From beside you, Maki smiles.

Meanwhile Nobara's eyes widen in realization.

" Once you both graduate? Your family is a Jujutsu clan right?!-"

" Are you going to marry Panda?"

Everyone turns to Yuuji with an obvious questioning expression in their eyes.

From beside him, Megumi smacks him upside the head.

" No, idiot. She's engaged to Inumaki." 

Yuuji whines as he holds his head.

" That was my second guess."

Nobara blinks between the two of you. Opposite you, Inumaki gets up, moving over to plop down closely besides you. You smile as he does so, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek in greeting.

This time, everyone notices the blush on his cheeks.

" No way! You?!"

You're not sure if that's a negative or positive reaction.

" Salmon."

" Is there something wrong?"

Nobara hurriedly shakes her head.

" No, I just didn't know. I'm surprised. I've rarely seen you two sit beside one another in class, or spar together, or do anything together except for eating lunch side by side, so- and how do you even communicate?"

You grin at her. From behind his pulled up collar, Inumaki does the same.

" We've been dating since before Jujutsu Tech. We know each other well and respect each other's space. Besides, our class is small, and we already hang out a lot outside of class as well. Besides, once you're together for long enough, you kind of just know how to communicate without communicating, you get me?"

Nobara's looking at you with wide eyes, obviously intrigued by this newfound information. 

" So you're basically already married?"

You and Toge exchange looks, the both of you shrugging.

He picks up your hand which was resting on the ground, holding it in his lap as he messes with the engagement ring he willingly got you. Just like every clan marriage, it was mostly meant for on the papers. To continue the bloodline eventually. He had never been given a ring to give you, and you never asked for one.

Nonetheless, he's happy he did, proud to show you off and already be able to call you his.

" Almost."

[A/N: Lowkey crave a full blown story for Inumaki in an arranged marriage au tbh.]

[itsastrobixch]

Astrology notes

- gemini / mercury / uranus / aqua change their identity a lot online. They place a lot of importance on their online identity and as they change so does their online personas.

- Mercury dominance if well placed Learnt to talk very early and saturn mercury aspects learnt to speak a bit late or may speak with a bit of hesitation.

- chiron in 1st have deep rooted identity issues and may also not be able to relax in photos and stuff. Some may even go to the extent of not wanting to take pictures at all.

- count yourself lucky if : air signs ask for your advice.. They don't ask option from everyone. Similarly if fire signs seek you out or show you their defeated side and depressed side. They Always want people to seem them as optimistic fiery and determined but like evryone they too go through down times but they tend to bounce back faster than others.

- Mercury saturn or Mercury rx may have great conversations with themselves in their heads but when it comes out it night miss the mark or.. Like not sound as good as it did in their brains.

- all mercury /gemini dominants open 3 to 5 tabs at the same time. And don't finish a single one completely. Change my mind.

- moon pluto tumultuous emotions. Whiplash. One extrene or the other. Mood changes just with a single event. The whole room can feel the shift as well. Moon and Pluto both give out unstable, watery and intense emotions. It can be difficult if negatively aspected. Even if positively aspected it can lead to the feeling overwhelming emotions.

- People with pluto in 1st, their emotions are hidden. No one knows how they feel. Mostly i see geminis get all the credit for their glib tongues. But have you ever seen a Pluto person toy with people when they know they truth ? They'll lie so effortlessly that even the people who know the truth will start to believe the lie is the truth. Their words and their facial expressions while lying is so controlled and natural it's scary.

- Asteroid Cerea shows is how we nurture. Aries ceres is the defender of the group and people who tend to protect people who are defenseless esp animals. Taurus is the comforter. And so on. But aspects and the house in which Ceres is in also plays a major role.

- Uranus / gemini in 3rd house have lots of ideas at the same time but many are unfocused and evrything is gone in a fleet. They may have a brilliant idea but Lose it in the next second. It'll be better if they scribble down their thoughts anywhere somewhere so they'll have a basic idea of what they thought.

- I fucking admire Aries women, esp as a Libra, like how tf..? i used to have a friend, she used to do some pretty controversial shit in high school but like never once let anything get iin her way and is now a part time business woman...like come on...how are you so headstrong ? And somehow things also tend to workout for them

- every mutable person has a box full of drafts all half done and of various types but all undone. Its a mess of ideas and posts half written and lost interest and motivation along the way...but I'll save it for another day when I will want to finish it up.

- If an air sign texts you daily, they like you. Especially instant replies . 🌝

- scorpio, and Venus Pluto aspects also tend to fall for someone who is out of their grasp. they like to torture themselves like that 😂 or they'll think that they don't deserve the person they're in love with. Its Always one or the other with them.

- venus neptune contacts produce the devoted worshipper type lovers. They will worship the ground their love walks on and will turn a blind eye to their faults. This is most definitely not a healthy patter of behaviour. Please don't indulge in this.

- mercury dominants can't fucking shut their brain off. they have a lot of nervous energy. And will Always be actively thinking about atleast two things at once.

- actually now that i think about it, my bffs in high are an Aries sun, me a sag rising and my frnd a leo sun. and i still wonder why the girls didn't like us 😂🌝 if fire signs get together whether they stir up drama or not, it'll either find them or people will hold them responsible for it even if they aren't.

- gemini and Mercury dominants can imitate very well especially the accents. Their adpative ability is out of charts and a bit creepy tbh. how they change acc to people, how they acclimatise to their surroundings ax cultures, they have this ability which allows to be another person if they like.

- mars - pluto negative aspects may have r*pe dreams often even if they haven't had any such encounters.

- pluto in 1st are ironically afraid of death and illness more so than the usual person.

- 11th house sign may show how we behave online.

-geminins have this weird ability to take and soak up information from all over the place and somehow put it together perfectly . they learn stuff from disorderly messes but they seem to understand it with clarity.

[sweetimpurity]

*ੈ✩‧ Day three! It's gettin steamy and sloshy up in here! wc: 1k ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The warm water laps around your arms and trembling knees, head thrown back on Miguel’s shoulder and his hand slowly sloshing around in the water between your thighs. Thick fingers massaging and caressing your core, only letting his fingers dip into the first knuckle, enough to feel the squeeze of your muscles and hear the hitch in your breath. Soft fluttering moans and his deep warm coos fill the bathroom as well as the salty sea air and the sounds of crashing waves outside the window. It’s your honeymoon. Finally away from all the craziness of your everyday lives. Just you and your new husband and you can’t keep your hands off each other. It’s not like you haven’t had sex a million times already, it’s just that being married renewed some sort of spark inside you both and now it all means more… or it feels different… but it feels so so good. 

“You let me know when you’ve had too much, baby, okay?” He hums right next to your ear, brushing his lips in feather light touches to your cheek. You’ve already been going at it like bunnies ever since you reached the villa suite. This soothing morning bath was supposed to be just that. To clean yourselves of last night's activities and ease the slight ache in both your bodies from hours of newlywed love making. But neither of you can resist. It’s like you’re magnetically, positively and negatively charged, pulling to each other and unable to resist the attraction. It’s more than just love, it’s need and devotion.

“Need more, Miguel…” You sigh, a quirk in your brow and pout on your lip. His digits just aren’t enough for the ache you feel. “You need more..?” He smiles and a huff of soft laughter leaves his lips. You're insatiable and he can’t get enough. “I can give you more, love, I can give you whatever you want…” He whispers. His head lifting from your shoulder and looking up at you, his fingers running up your sensitivity and gently past your bundle of nerves as he draws his hand from your heat. The water sloshing and lapping at the sides of the enormous tub as you turn around to face him. The flower petals that Miguel sprinkled on the water earlier when you weren’t looking, mostly as a silly joke, collecting on your damp skin and decorating you so wonderfully. Now he understands. Seeing you glistening wet and covered in white and pink petals makes his mind go melty. Making his breath hitch. The sun hitting you just right as you straddle his lap. His back pressing against the porcelain and big hands coming up to your back, caressing down to your ass. “You’re so beautiful…” He whispers so quietly. It’s almost too quiet to hear. But it’s all his voice will allow with how hard his heart is beating. 

He leans forward, water lapping as he pulls you closer still. His lips connect with your sternum and sucking small wet kisses along your damp skin. Up to your left breast, his tongue swirling around the mound and gently biting down on the precious portion of your body. His lips glistening and wet from the bath water that's covering your skin and dribbling down, clicking wet sucking sounds accompanying the feeling of bliss. Along with his wet tongue gliding along your perked nipple, his plush lips pursing around to suck. “Ohh- Miguel…” You sigh so quietly, a shiver running down your spine just watching him do this. Feeling it happen. And he moves with the same attention to your right breast until your tits are tinted slightly with a blush after his loving attacks. 

“My wife…” He whispers, looking up in your eyes and making you smile. His hands running up your back to your shoulders. Utter affection in his expression. 

…

“Miguel!” You gasp, reaching for his hand and squeezing it hard, pulling it against your chest. Drips, drops, dribbles of water running down the sides of the bathtub and the water lapping the edges. Full of him, full to the brim and tingling. His cock bullying it’s way inside, deep and warm and all for you. He wouldn’t want it any other way. He’s trying so hard to hold out. But the water and the squeeze of your warm pussy, his view from under you, watching your head throw back. The tips of your hair dipping into the water and sticking to your back. He can’t look, dipping his face into your chest to hold it together. He’ll be damned if he doesn’t make you come. If he doesn’t bring you there. But you make it so hard not to burst inside on the first pump. 

“Baby! Babe- babe…” Your voice high and squeaky and at the same time quiet and intimate. Only for him to hear, only for Miguel to know. “Oh come on baby, please…” He whispers into your skin, on the edge and begging for that release. Wanting to watch you go. 

His arms anchor around your back, adjusting his hips and pulling you down on him a bit harder and faster. Plunging all the way deep, hitting some magical spot inside you that has you cry out his name. 

“Yeah, right there?” He grins, doing it again, pulling you down and pushing his hips up at the same time. And once he finds the spot again, he just keeps hitting it over and over. Water splashing and pouring over the edges. Onto the blue and green glass tiled floor, soaking into the bathmat, your fingers digging into his shoulders so hard you might just break the skin. 

That familiar ache and melt concocting in your gut, right in the pit of your stomach. Blooming and burning down your thighs, originating in your heat, right at your core. Miguel finally allowing himself to succumb when feeling the spasms of your orgasm around him. A wave of satisfaction and victory when his name spills from your lips again and again just like the water and petals dribbling over the edges and flooding the floor. 

Taglist! 🥂 : @slushycoookie @xxyaoi-nationxx @snails-doodles22 @scaryplanetdestroyer @fate13

@divorcepaperz @yeahnohoneybye @zaunsin @tomalymme @drefear

if you'd like to be added/dropped from the taglist please comment on my masterlist post or I might not see it! thank you!

[freezeris]

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁❄️personal astro observations❄️. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

❗️Just a heads up: I'm not a professional, just an amateur, and these are going to be largely based on my first-hand experiences and people I know. Unfortunately I've had a lot of unfavorable experiences in my earlier life, so there will be a good amount of negative points I make about some placements, but in no way does this mean I think everyone who has these will express them in this way. We all have all 12 signs in our charts, so to hate any one of the archetypes would be detrimental to one's own growth, I think. Also: I mostly use tropical astrology and the placidus house system, so most observations will be based on that.

❄️ Taurus & Libra MC as well as Venus in the 10th seem to be most likely to survive big scandals with little harm done to their reputation & career prospects. They tend to be considered "unproblematic faves" unless there's a lot of Pluto/Scorpio/Mars/Aries energy involved, which can make them more likely to be involved in public conflict.

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❄️ Not me checking famous Taurus MC people on Astrotheme while writing the above ↑ point and Donald Trump showing up first... 💀 Well, he's certainly no "unproblematic fave", but despite how controversial he is, his money and career still seem to be doing just fine, which is my main point. But tbh he is not a "typical" Taurus MC, 'cause he has that Sun conjunct Uranus in his 10th house, which makes him incredibly polarizing and shocking.

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❄️ I don't want to dedicate too much space on this post to that crétin, but it makes sense that his 7th house of open enemies starts in Aquarius and envelops most of Pisces. The people who openly oppose him certainly can be described with Aquarius & Pisces keywords like "progressive, compassionate, modern, etc.".

Meanwhile his 12th house of hidden enemies is in Leo, same sign as his Ascendant. He also has Pluto and Mars sitting there. I think if anyone is going to catch him by surprise and cause serious problems for him it's gonna be his own hubris + people he keeps close to him, most likely a man (or group of men) who has a very aggressive, Mars & Pluto dominant energy. It would be someone who's very similar to him and reflects these energies back to him.

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❄️ Staying on the topic of 12th house: I've had a lot of experience with 12h synastry, and unfortunately more often than not it was painful. It has the potential to be beautiful, but it only works when both people are VERY self-aware. Ideally both people should have 12h, Neptune or Pisces dominance. these people will have the easiest time making this synastry overlay work.

Personally that's why now I'm wary of getting too close to Aries & Libra Risings since most of my personal planets fall in their 12th house. In all these connections it felt like I wasn't really seen, like they only saw one half of me and tried to change & shame the rest of me. None of them had Pisces/12h placements either so that made it harder for them to even want to explore their 12h themes. 🥲

❄️ Shout out to men with Virgo + Sagittarius dominance in the same chart, gotta be one of the most obnoxious combinations..... 😭 I have Virgo & Sagittarius/9h prominence myself and Sagittarius is my favorite sign, but I'm sorry to say that a lot of men with these placements are so hard to like because, when immature, they can be so arrogant and the biggest know-it-alls.

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❄️ The chart shape is such an underrated topic, if you ask me. From what I've observed, people with very huddled together charts (everything in the same hemisphere, because they have a Stellium or two there) tend to have a harder time relating to others earlier in life and seem more closed-minded. More "my way or the high-way" type of behavior. 😮‍💨

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❄️ I also went to class with two Gemini Stellium girls (4 planets) who both had Pisces Moons, and they were...incredibly unhinged and classic mean girls.

Forget Scorpio, I personally think Gemini can be the scariest sign in such high concentration, 'cause usually their main motive for doing something is out of boredom and curiosity, which makes them the most unpredictable sign imo.

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❄️ However, it can also manifest very positively. The singer AURORA is one of my favorite artists and she has ALL her personal planets in Gemini and it shows. 😂 She's so uninhibited and full of wonder and whimsy. One of the healthiest Gemini doms imo. I think the Sagittarius Pluto and Capricorn + Aquarius outer planets help her a lot to balance out and ground the airy and detached nature of the sign.

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❄️ I think those who have some oppositions and trines in their chart tend to be more well-liked by comparison (compared to the cluster chart shape, which often lacks oppositions and sometimes trines). It really helps to balance someone out and open their mind to both sides of a spectrum when they have oppositions in their natal chart. Oppositions carry a similar energy to Saturn, so it may be difficult in your youth, but it's there to help you set a solid foundation.

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❄️ Looping back to Sagittarius for a bit, this time with a more funny/neutral thing: One of the Sagittarius Stellium men I knew has 3 degrees, one of them being law, another philosophy. And a secret third thing. Just thought that was incredibly Sagittarius of him. 😂 And another Sagittarius Stellium man I knew was a high school teacher. Though I don't know if he still does it, since he always complained about wanting to leave eventually. And he was a shit teacher anyway, soooooo yeah. Good for the kids lmao.

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❄️ Born to dilly-dally 🦋✨️🐬🌈🌷, forced to lock in 😭: Pisces 🤝 Taurus 🤝 Gemini 🤝 Sagittarius

❄️ Born to lock in ☄️🔥⚡️💥💪 , forced to dilly-dally 😑: Aries 🤝 Capricorn 🤝 Virgo

❄️ For some reason out of all the Mars signs I used to attract Libra, Scorpio and Cancer Mars the most. And as an Aries Mars... that shit was exhausting. 😭

The Libra Mars usually fall in my 2nd house, and at it's worst that overlay can mean that the Mars person will attack the house person's self-esteem and values. Might even literally smash/destroy some of their belongings in some cases, since the 2nd House can rule over material possessions and finances too.

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❄️ Almost as difficult (FOR ME) to make work is a close relationship with Scorpio Mars because it falls in my 3rd house and hoooo boy... The horror stories I could tell of family members who have this placement verbally abusing me and gossiping about me to the whole neighborhood. Some even triangulated me against my sister (also a 3rd house thing). Someone's Mars in your 3rd house can make them more likely to gossip or even straight up verbally attack you, so this tends to be a tricky one as well.

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❄️ Well, Mars is difficult almost anywhere tbh, especially if the Mars person doesn't like you. I think the easiest one might be the other persons Mars in your 5th house. Mostly this seems to manifest as sexual attraction. When it's platonic it can mean they push you to go out and have fun & try new things with them. I have to say Capricorn Mars are my faves for this reason. Also because they don't square any of my personal planets aside from my own Mars, but it's better than touching a delicate thing like my Moon or Venus.

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❄️ North Node opposite North Node has got to be one of the most uncomfortable synastry aspects, if you ask me. 🥲 I think it can feel comforting if you're someone who hasn't really worked towards embracing your North Node. But if you are on your way there, then getting close to someone with this can feel like they're unintentionally holding you back.

I know I have to keep my distance from them because I notice I usually end up slipping into old patterns I was trying to let go of.

❄️ Everyone I know who is a vegetarian or vegan has strong Earth sign or Aquarius influence, myself included. 🐇🌿 Of course not everyone that has these signs in their personal planets is, but when someone is they usually DO have those placements.

For the Earth signs it makes sense since they are connected to nature & animals. Plus all of them tend to be picky or sensitive with what they put in their system. Aquarius looks out for anyone or anything that's being treated cruelly and are drawn to different and progressive ideas.

I think Pisces can also easily be convinced with emotional arguments and I believe this sign rules over large animals like cows, elephants, whales etc. (while Virgo rules over small animals like cats and birds), so that can be a prominent sign in the chart of a vegan/vegetarian too.

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❄️ One of the most explosive and verbally abusive people I know has her Cancer Mercury square her Aries Mars. She also has Virgo Moon conjunct Venus, so she's incredibly critical of everyone. She doesn't let people finish their sentences, always trying to speak over them and raising her voice. I'm a conflict avoidant Pisces & 7h dom, but this woman makes me SO MAD. 💥👊💥👊💥👊

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❄️ Earth Risings have their Fire energy in their 4/8/12 house which are the most private and hardest to access & express outwardly. This is sad because ideally you would have your Fire signs on the 1/5/9 houses which revolve around self-expression.

In my experience, and based on all the Earth Risings I know, as a child they were usually reprimanded whenever they were too loud or tried to get attention. And even when they didn't get directly told to "shut up", they were surrounded by adults and siblings who were all incredibly domineering and loud themselves, so there was usually no room or acceptance for the Earth Rising childs fiery side.

This is why they come off as being so introverted. It's because they got the message early that they're not supposed to shine, certainly not outshine the people around them. It's extra painful when they have personal planets in Fire signs. 💔

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❄️ I'm a Pisces Mercury and I've had the most difficult time communicating with Virgo Mercuries. I knew a guy with Retrograde Virgo Mercury and he pissed me off so much because I tried really hard to get on the same page, but he didn't and had this attitude of "here's why you're wrong and I'm right." 😑💥💥💥 I eventually got so frustrated that I told him how misunderstood I felt, but he didn't agree that we were misunderstanding each other and kept trying to force his views and values on me...dude was only talking at me, not with me.........

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❄️ Mercury in Gemini is a close second for Mercury placements that I keep having misunderstanding with. Which makes sense since it squares mine.

But surprisingly I can't say the same for Sagittarius Mercury. 🧐 The people I had the easiest time communicating with all had this placement.

I think it may be because both signs are ruled by Jupiter and are in detriment when in Mercury, so both of us struggle a lot to put the higher, spiritual concepts we naturally pick up on into words.

I also have Sagittarius in my 4th house, so maybe that helps them feel more comfortable talking to me. Meanwhile their Mercury is on my Pluto so I'm a bit obsessed with how they think and what they have to say. I'm like "omg your mind." 🤯

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❄️ I don't want to elaborate what kind of relationship I had with this person, but just know it wasn't romantic/sexual: Most confusing, mixed signals kinda energy I ever got from a man was when he had his Lilith exactly on my Sun and his Mars(conj. Uranus) square my Moon + Ascendant.💀

It's like one moment he was treating me nicely and then the next I was being raked over the coals and criticized, even for something small like my posture being slumped... I felt like he was trying to "tame" and mold me. He slammed me for not acting assertive enough, yet when I did assert myself he immediately attacked me for it. It was really emotionally damaging to me because this guy was like a mentor figure of sorts, so of course I had to be open to what he had to say initially...

This is why now I'm adamant about checking my synastry with someone before I get seriously involved. If I had known earlier I wouldn't have felt so gaslit and would've cut him & others out sooner. Gonna ask everyone to slide me their birth charts from now on, idc if it makes me seem judgy. It's better to pick your battles, as they say. 😂

I think that's it for now. I had a lot more in mind, but in typical Pisces Mercury fashion: I forgor. 😅

❄️dividers by dollywons❄️

[wordsarelife]

"why are you always flirting in near death situations?" With Mattheo and bestie reader or girlfriend reader please. I love your imagined so much and this is my first time requesting 🥺

—willow

pairing: mattheo riddle x fem!reader

summary: mattheo has a brilliant idea for a date.. not

warnings: mentions of sex, a bit suggestive but no actual smut

notes: this was so fun to write anon, thank you!! please send more of these asks in the future! at the moment i mostly enjoy writing for mattheo or theo (or theo and belle -> from my fic call it what you want)

"this was the stupidest idea ever" you mumbled walking next to mattheo "you really outdid yourself this time"

"isn't it romantic?" he gestured in the air around you

you looked around confused "horrifying is more the word i would use"

"don't be so negative all the time" mattheo outstretched his arm and intertwined your fingers "this is the perfect spot for a quickie" he smirked

"you disgust me" you rolled your eyes, while still watching around you uncertain. mattheo had dragged you outside for a walk. in the forbidden forest. at night. "you really are pushing your luck"

"ahh" mattheo almost made a noise that sounded like a giggle "you wouldn't leave me"

"go on with that behaviour and you'll find out" you smiled sarcastically. mattheo relaxed when you squeezed his hand "can we please go back now?" you muttered

"are you scared?" mattheo laughed

"of course not" you shook your head "i just don't want to explain why my boyfriend disappeared"

"are you planning to murder me?"

"no body, no crime" you shrugged

"yeah.." mattheo trailed off and you grew suspicious

"matty?" you asked

"huh?"

"you do know where we are... right?"

"pfff" mattheo looked behind you "of course" he raised his arm to point in a general direction "there's that thing back there"

"you have no idea" you sighed, more to yourself than to him

"i was busy looking at you"

"don't do this right now" you breathed "this is just great" you turned around, trying to find a hint of the way that would lead you back to the castle "did you never read hansel and gretel?"

"what?" he asked flabbergasted

"the muggle tale about the siblings getting lost in the forest, who find their way back using bread crumbs" you got a bit heated and started speaking louder

"no?" mattheo replied offended "why would i?"

"because we are in the exact same position as they were, aren't we? where are our bread crumbs?"

"i'm not sure what you mean, the kitchen has been closed for hours" he said confused

"i'm not talking about actual bread crumbs" you replied frustrated while messaging the space between your eyebrows.

"ooh, yeah.. i understand what you mean" matty nodded and for a short second you had the hope that he put a bit of planning into this idiotic idea "whatever the equivalent of bread crumbs is.. i did not bring it" mattheo admitted and shrank under your gaze

"did you bring anything? a map at least?"

"ehh.. no"

"what was your plan exactly, matty?" you crossed your arms

"well" mattheo said, scratching his neck "my plan was to come here and have sex behind a tree. yeah.. that was it"

"do you ever think with your head?"

"not about you, no"

"okay" you tried to calm yourself down "i'm gonna get us out of here"

"i'm so proud to have such a brilliant girlfriend"

"flattering won't get you anywhere tonight, baby" even though his strategy didn't work, mattheo was glad that you didn't seem as angry as before

"sure" he nodded "what are we gonna do"

"first we're--" you paused, suddenly noticing something that send a shiver down your spine

"baby?" mattheo asked, confused why you had suddenly stopped talking "is everything alright?"

"no" you shook your head, before you grabbed his arms, gently turning him around so he could see what you did

"shit" mattheo said as he noticed the webs and the signs, that had warnings of spiders plastered all over them

"this is my worst nightmare" you panicked. there was nothing, really nothing in the world you were more scared of than spiders. mattheo knew that. his eyes softened as he noticed you shaking and grabbing at his hand.

"don't worry" mattheo whispered to calm you down, suddenly remembering something very important "i did bring a map" he took out a parchment and held it in your direction. theo had been as impressed as you by mattheo's stupid idea, so he had drawn a map, just to make sure you both would survive the night. "theo coulnd't talk me out of it, but he gave me this"

"i need to tell theo that i love him" you said relieved. theo's handwriting was neat, so you had no problem to read what he had drawn.

"this kinda turns me off, baby"

you send mattheo a look. "you better be kidding. why are you even turned on in the first place?"

"you look so hot in that dress" mattheo smiled "my pretty lady" he kissed you on the neck longingly

"why are you always flirting in near death situations?" you asked, impressed how he was still able to concentrate on sex while you were literally surrounded by possible danger

"we're not dying, are we?"

"i suppose?"

"i will never not get turned on by you as long as i can breath"

"matty" you giggled as he sucked on your sweet spot "i'm not gonna have sex with you right now and definitely not here"

"too bad" mattheo acted disappointed "how about my room? i'll get rid of theo"

"don't you think he already did enough for us tonight?" you asked, raising theo's map "we can go to my room" you sighed "but get us out of here first"

"yes ma'am"

[silverwhittlingknife]

So you're a go to source for all things Dick&Tim bros and you tend to write primarily from Dick's POV. So, odd question, but if you were to summarize their relationship from his POV in FIVE panels which panels would you pick? Keeping in mind that one specific aspect of their relationship that you love needs to be clearly represented by each panel (loyalty, trust etc). I hope this is a fun challenge and not an annoying question so if you don't want to answer that's cool! Have a wonderful day!

No more talk. The same thoughts run through two minds... (SotB 29) / You're my equal. My closest ally. (RR 1) / I can't stop thinking how much I rely on him. (GoG 3)

25 Feelings Dick Has About Tim

This was such a kind ask & a cool challenge which I totally failed; here are TWENTY-five panels of Dick's POV on Tim sdfdsfds Look, I got carried away! Marcia and Cindy! The boys!!

OKAY SO BEFORE I GET TO THE PANELS A FEW NOTES:

WARNING THAT THERE ARE SOME NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN HERE because I love conflict but but but you gotta remember those are not the final word!! They are complicated people and sometimes they get mad at each other BUT ultimately their relationship is so hugely important in both their lives & they love each other and rely on each other so much -!!! <3

Also I have CONCLUDING THOUGHTS at the end about what Dick's POV leaves out (mostly: a lot of Dick defending & protecting & supporting Tim, which Dick does instinctively but isn't very self-aware about most of the time)

I have loosely organized my list into 5^5 format (5 categories with 5 examples each!), so if you want to skip to a relevant one, here are the categories!!

Below the cut:

I hate him and find him infuriating (#1-5)

On second thought, he's endearing & fun (#6-10)

Grief is complicated & he's all tangled up in mine (#11-15)

I love him & think highly of him (#16-20)

I rely on him & though it's hard for me, I trust him (#21-25)

I hate him and find him infuriating (#1 - 5)

1) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze me and Bruce, but he doesn’t know me at all, he should get lost (New Titans 61)

2) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze Bruce but he doesn’t know Bruce at all, he should get lost (Gotham Knights 26)

3) He is so nosy about stuff that is MY business (Robin 0)

4) He sounds like an insincere suck-up half the time... but okay, fine, if you push him he's got a sense of humor about it (New Titans 65)

5) I'm sure he's a better vigilante than me. It's my fault for being a failure, but I resent him anyway. (Nightwing 9 - Dick's having a nightmare)

On second thought, he's kinda endearing (#6-10)

6) He worries too much and gets anxious so easily, but it makes him fun to tease (Robin 67)

7) I'm not that competitive - okay, so maybe I'm a little competitive, I gotta make sure he doesn't get a swelled head (Prodigal)

8) I'm supposed to be his favorite! It is not cool for him to be fanboying over my not-girlfriend's not-boyfriend!! (Birds of Prey 19)

9) We have fun together. I can kick back and relax when it's just the two of us. Plus I get to boss him around a bit. (Prodigal)

10) He’s always trying to reassure me, and I guess it's a little comforting, but also he doesn’t really get it. Or me. He makes excuses that he shouldn't, because he doesn't understand that I suck. (Nightwing 64)

Grief is complicated and he's all tangled up in mine (#11 - 15)

11) He reminds me of everything I try not to think about. Sometimes the memories are so strong it hurts to look at him. (Batman 441)

12) WHY IS HE BEING IMPOSSIBLE ALL OF A SUDDEN??? THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (Nightwing 139)

13) We're the same. He says all the things I don't let myself think about. It's like arguing with myself. (Nightwing 139)

14) He thinks he gets to tell me what to do but he doesn’t, fuck him (Battle for the Cowl)

15) Life sucks, so what. I sucked it up so he should too (RR 1)

I love him and think highly of him (#16 - 20)

16) He’s the closest thing to a brother I’ll ever have.  If someone hurts him I will hurt them harder. (Nightwing 6)

17) I can't handle the idea of losing him. (Nightwing 97)

17) He’s so good and I’m not. I'm afraid I’m bad for him. (Nightwing 110)

18) He’s better than me, and it’s kind of a relief because I know no matter what he’ll be okay. (Gates of Gotham 3)

19) In my head he’s the responsible one.  (Gotham Knights 10)

I rely on him, and though it's hard for me, I trust him (#20-25)

20) I know I have to trust him but I'm afraid he'll make the wrong choices and get hurt (Nightwing 139)

21) I'm sure I know what he should do because I see myself in him - not that I can take my own advice, but he should (Blackest Night 3)

22) I trust him.  When I’m losing my grip on things, he pulls me back. (Gotham Knights 10)

23) I want him to trust me (Red Robin 12)

24) He can tell when I'm lying. Sometimes he sees my weaknesses better than I wish he did. (Detective Comics 874)

25) He’s always there when I need him. (Teen Titans / Outsiders Secret Files)

Final rambling thoughts:

TIM: Uhh, okay, so I'm just skimming this list - do you really trust me? you're not just saying that? - but anyway, I'm confused because you left some stuff out? Like some stuff that's kinda important? DICK: No? I think I got everything? TIM (starts counting on his fingers): The time I was having a bad day but then I called you. The time I got captured by Two-Face but then you saved me. The time I fell off a train but then you saved me. The time I fell off a building but then you saved me. The time I fell off a different building - DICK: I feel like you're trying to make some kind of point but I'm not sure what it could be.

SO THE THING IS, I put 25 panels in here and not a single one has Dick catching Tim when he’s falling!!! But I think that's a central motif of their relationship from Tim’s POV, not Dick’s. I love Dick, but in some ways I think he is spectacularly un-self-aware.

And I think he especially has a lot of blind spots about Tim. He kinda intermittently gets that Tim admires him, and he enjoys it in a playful I-get-to-boss-you-around way. But Dick tends to consistently underestimate all of his own good qualities & skills, and he meets Tim at a point in his life when he's especially down on himself & his abilities. And so he's unable to see his own influence on Tim, & therefore unable to fully understand a lot of Tim's priorities and loyalties and motivations, because you can't actually understand Tim without understanding Dick's impact on him. There's a fascinating moment in Bruce Wayne: Murderer when Dick's completely blindsided & upset to discover that Tim doesn't entirely trust Bruce, even though this has been a definitive fact of Tim's whole thing ever since he showed up with his Batman needs Robin theory, and Barbara has to actively remind Dick of the obvious-to-everyone-except-Dick fact that a lot of Tim's loyalty is to Dick, and Tim loves Bruce but feels free to be more wary of him. (And to give Bruce credit: this is not something he ever begrudges.) But anyway Babs points this out, and Dick manages to sorta process it for about five seconds, but he cannot actually accept it into his worldview so instead he discards it at the speed of light and goes off and has an argument with Tim instead sdfsfdsf

All of Dick's virtues - Dick's kindness at the circus and Dick's determination to fight through grief and Dick's rigid sense of morals and Dick's vigilante skills and every time Dick has ever backed Tim up or listened to him or protected him or saved him from something or just been casually kind to a stranger in Tim's presence etc etc etc - all these things loom really large in Tim's mental story of Who Dick Is, and What Dick And Tim's Relationship Is. Tim meets Dick before he meets Bruce, trusts Dick more than Bruce, aspires to be Robin instead of Batman. And so in Tim's default version of the story, Dick is the super-special and admirable hero and Tim is... nobody in particular, a tagalong outsider who's barely managing to be a hero, not part of Dick and Bruce's family and not part of their story, who, if he's VERY LUCKY and tries REALLY HARD, might be able to fight his way to proving himself and offering something to Dick that Dick will value, if Dick doesn't get fed up with him first.

But that's not Dick's version of the story!!!

Dick's version of the story is almost the exact opposite, a story where Dick's an outcast failure black sheep who's screwing up everything he tries, and meanwhile Tim is The Sudden New Perfect Robin Who's Better Than Me And Probably Bruce Loves Him More And Probably They Gossip About What A Loser I Am, mixed with a complicated edge of Tim Thinks He's So Smart But He Doesn't Know Me/Us At All. Dick gets much more attached to Tim over time, and Tim gets unnervingly better at the know-it-all psychoanalysis so then Dick gets to have complicated feelings about him being right instead of just annoyance at him for being wrong, plus Dick's relationship with Bruce improves a lot, so Tim stops feeling so threatening. But Dick never fundamentally changes his basic theory of their relationship in which Tim is highly impressive and capable, and Dick is not so much.

And so asking Dick about Tim is kinda like if you asked George Bailey to tell you about Harry Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life; like, you'll be there for five hours while he tells you how great Harry is, and how accomplished Harry is, and how he doesn't really get how or why Harry does the things he does, and maybe George does feel a little resentful or jealous sometimes, but that pales in comparison to all his admiration and trust for Harry who he loves so much, who's better than him in so many ways, and he's not gonna openly gripe but secretly he can't help but feel sometimes like he's such a failure in comparison to Harry, a perfect person who emerged fully formed from Zeus's head with all the virtues and also all the accomplishments, etc. etc. etc. --

-- and he will not actually remember the part where he changed and saved Harry's whole entire life unless you literally send him to an alternate timeline in order to force him to remember it. <3

[zot3-flopped]

Excerpts

The Tortured Poets Department delivers some of her most cringe-inducing lines yet. The title track alone boasts the worst on the record, even if it’s a stab at sarcasm. “You smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate / We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist,” precedes the clunky “I scratch your head, you fall asleep like a tattooed Golden Retriever.” 

Elsewhere, on ‘Down Bad’ she’s unceremoniously “crying at the gym”, and ‘Florida!!!’, an otherwise cathartic, Southern gothic-imbued collaboration with Florence Welch is marred by the line: “My friends all smell like weed or little babies”.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart’ highlights her unrelenting work ethic that doesn’t falter amid personal tragedy. But, it seems poised for internet virality than anything more substantial, given its restrained verses that plod along before catapulting into a euphoric, Carly Rae Jepsen-indebted pop chorus. Lyrics like “I’m so depressed I act like it’s my birthday everyday” are almost too glaringly obviously written to be lip-synced into an iPhone 13 front camera.

Musically, it’s an album mostly devoid of any noticeable stylistic shift or evolution. It descends into a monochromatic palette, existing in the same Jack Antonoff-branded synth pop as ‘Midnights’, yet struggling to capture any of its brightness.

Most bizarre, though, is ‘But Daddy I Love Him’, which seemingly exists as her response to the backlash against her brief relationship with The 1975 frontman Matty Healy. Their fleeting romance, which seems to be the muse for much of the record, triggered an explosive reaction from her fanbase who were distraught at Swift’s public association to the singer, given his slew of controversial comments (a few of which centred around her soon-to-be collaborator Ice Spice).

Swift seems to be in tireless pursuit for superstardom, yet the negative public opinion it can come with irks her, and it’s a tired theme now plaguing her discography and leaving little room for the poignant lyrical observations she excels at. It’s why the pitfalls that mire her 11th studio album are all the more disappointing — she’s proven time and time again she can do better. To a Melbourne audience of her Eras Tour, Swift said that ‘The Tortured Poets Department’ came from a “need” to write. It’s just that maybe we didn’t need to hear it.

[bonefall]

bones. bones they made moonpaw a schizophrenia and plurality stereotype. bones. bones help us

OH NO IS THAT WHY THERE'S 16 MESSAGES

I TURNED MY BACK FOR 5 MINUTES GREAT GOOGLY FUCKELING MOOGELY

I still have to finish reading Star (you have to forgive me for being a capital G Gamer who's been uber distracted) to gather together my final fair assessment, so I can start putting down the fragments for BB!ASC. But I WILL tell you this;

The whole Moonpaw Discourse from a couple of months ago really opened my eyes to just how pervasive intersexism and plurality stereotyping is, even in this space.

Not all of it is malice-- like many other cultural biases, people often just pick up negative stereotypes passively and don't realize they reflect poorly on real people. "Scary evil head voice" is one of them. Yes, intrusive thoughts exist (they are something I deal with), but it's about the snap, subconscious association between "voice in head" and "mental torment."

As the case and point; Look at how FAST the fandom conversation changed when the team first teased it. What was a fantastical, equal parts sincere love and horror exploration of shipping a cat with a magic pool morphed. Overnight, The Voice was an abusive thing, an expression of a dead baby who wanted to live, or a reincarnated monster, or another evil Ashfur-esque posession spirit.

Something bad, malicious, unwanted. By contrast, the voice of the moonpool was mostly portrayed as a supernatural yet good thing. Genuinely asking her for help.

(Part of me also ponders the religious angle of it. "Voices in my head" that come from God are generally much more socially acceptable than "Voices in my head" that come from the self. Regardless,)

So, as always, I Don't Rewrite Arcs Until They Are Done (I DRAU TAD, if you will), BUT... I know for certain that I will want to subvert this.

If Canon!Moonpaw must be a system, and we're all ready to buckle up and bunker down through how the Erins handle this one, then for BB!Moonpaw I'll try to do the same. But for my portrayal, I want to write her relationship with her headmate to be generally positive. Or at least more complicated and multifaceted.

One idea in particular I like is the thought that she absorbed a twin... but writing it as a chance the twin GETS to live, NOT a life denied. Death would have claimed them if they didn't become part of her. So, they love her-- of course they do. They're two souls with one heart.

The specifics will have to come with time. I need to see how her plurality impacts the plot, the overall story being told, plus wait to assess the criticisms that real systems and fusion chimeras in our fandom will have. But I can say with certainty that I would like to attempt my redux with the sad truth in mind that headmates in media are almost never approached as non-malicious. I'd like to do what I can to make a difference.

[steddiealltheway]

I just BARELY made the deadline in my time zone, but I did it! This is for Lex's Summer Challenge, Dialogue prompt #25 :) Thank you @thefreakandthehair for organizing this!! <3

It's New Year's Eve, and Steve is not excited. 

The kids have all mostly agreed to stay together, setting off fireworks at the Wheeler's house. Robin has a band thing, meaning she will try to cozy up with Vickie but chicken out before the New Year's kiss. And Steve... he plans on checking in on Max who hasn't confirmed if she is going to Mike's. 

Things have been rough for her since Billy passed only a few months ago. She hates the trailer she had to move to, and as far as Steve can tell, her mom isn't around much. And if she is, she isn't sober. 

The worst thing is that Max doesn't open up to anyone, but there isn't much Steve can do about that. What he can do is drive to her place and bring her dinner. 

He goes about making her way too much spaghetti and makes the drive over. The sun is starting to go down, but he just hopes he can make it home in time to put on headphones and pass out before people start celebrating the new year.  

He just doesn't want to make it anyone else's problem that he no longer likes the look or sound of fireworks – flashes triggering migraines and memories of Russian torture – so he's put a plan in place. Luckily, everyone should be too busy with New Year's celebrations to pay him any attention. 

He pulls up to Max's trailer and parks outside, walking up to the door and knocking quickly. He waits a few seconds, listening for the sound of footsteps coming to the door, but they don't come. He pulls his jacket a little tighter around himself, shifts the tub of spaghetti from his left side to the right, and knocks again.  

After waiting a few minutes, Steve turns and notices the sun is now on the horizon. 

He glances around the trailer park, cursing himself for not bringing his walkie. His eyes land on a van at the trailer across the way that looks somewhat familiar. He notes that there are no negative thoughts that accompany looking at it, but rather, he feels a bit indifferent to it. 

He starts walking that way, hoping he knows the owner, and further hoping that they're nice enough to let him use their phone. He walks up the steps and knocks before stepping down. 

Luckily, this time he hears the sound of footsteps from inside and a bit of muffled cursing before the door swings open. 

Oh. That's how he knows the van. 

Eddie Munson looks down at him, totally bewildered, and shifts uncomfortably, eyes flickering toward the spaghetti while asking, "What are you doing here?" Before he can answer, Munson gets a look of realization and answers himself, "Right, my great supply." 

"No," Steve says quickly. "I just need to use your phone." 

Munson quickly stiffens again. "Why?" 

Steve sighs and shifts the tub again which has started to feel heavier with every passing moment. "My friend lives over there," he says, throwing his thumb over his shoulder, "And I need to check if she's okay." 

"No way," Munson says, hands coming up before he crosses his arms, "No way I'm letting you use my phone to call some hookup." 

"It's not a hookup. She's in middle school." 

"What?" Eddie asks, looking even more horrified. 

"Not like that!" Steve says and runs his free hand through his hair. "She's friends with a group of kids that I babysit." 

"And why do you want to call her?" 

Christ. "Because I'm worried about her, okay? She's not someone who asks for help, and she's not answering the door. I just need to know if she's safe at her friend's house." 

Eddie stares at him for a few more seconds then asks, "What’s the spaghetti for?" 

"Her." 

He's fixed with the same suspicious stare until Eddie finally nods his head and opens the door for Steve to come inside. Eddie gestures to where the phone is and leans back against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms and watching his every move. 

Steve tries to shrug it off as he dials the Wheelers and waits for one of them to answer. 

"Hello?" 

Steve smiles and politely replies, "Hi, Mrs. Wheeler, it's Steve." 

"Oh, Nancy is currently-" 

"No, no," Steve cuts her off, seeing the way that Eddie is starting to tense up. "I wasn't calling about Nancy. I was just wondering if Max was there with the other kids. I stopped by to check on her, but she didn't answer the door." 

Steve can feel his heart thud in his chest as he waits for the reply. "That's very kind of you. But she's with the boys right now. Did you want me to pass a message to her?" 

"No," Steve says in relief. "No, I just wanted to make sure she was okay. Thank you, Mrs. Wheeler. Happy New Year." 

"Happy New Year, Steve," she replies and hangs up. 

Steve puts the phone back and turns to Eddie. "Thanks, man. I owe you one." 

Eddie tilts his head to the side and narrows his eyes. "Why do you care about her so much?" 

Steve sighs and gestures toward the counter with the container of spaghetti in hand. "Can I?" Eddie nods in response, so Steve sets it down. He runs a hand through his hair and asks, "Do you remember Billy Hargrove?" 

Eddie scoffs, "Like I could forget the asshole." 

Steve nods. "Well, Max was his step-sister." 

"Oh," Eddie says, shifting uncomfortably. 

Steve shrugs. "They didn't have the greatest relationship, but she's been really closed off since...” he trails off uncomfortably, trying not to remember the moment he died. 

Eddie nods his head. “Right.” 

Steve nods back and gestures toward the spaghetti, changing the subject. “You can have that by the way as a thank you for letting me use your phone. I really appreciate it. And hey, Happy New Year.” 

Eddie’s jaw drops slightly as if he wants to say something but none of the words come out. So, Steve walks to the front door and opens it. He doesn’t even move a step down the stairs before a big firework lights up the sky as the loud noise rings out. 

Steve freezes. He feels his breathing getting shaky and shallow as he remembers the fireworks exploding on that spider looking thing’s back. 

He closes his eyes tight, trying to fend off the images, but the darkness only reminds him of the black that slowly devoured his vision when the Russians knocked him out.  

“Hey, hey,” a soft voice says, “I’ve got you.” 

Steve notices the way he’s somehow on the ground with his back pressed against something warm and that same heat wraps around his torso. He blinks back into reality a bit as warm hands run up and down his arms slowly. “You okay?” 

Steve sinks back into Eddie’s arms and closes his eyes. "Fireworks aren't exactly... my favorite thing." 

Eddie breathes out sharply through his nose. “Yeah, I kind of picked up on that.” 

Steve just nods, allowing himself to be comforted for a few seconds before he tenses up and begins to stand up. “Sorry,” he apologies as he makes his way back to the front door. “Don’t know what got into me.” 

He puts his hand on the door handle, moving his body to block Eddie’s view from his shaking hand. 

“Hey,” Eddie says close behind him, “Just stay until the fireworks stop. I don’t want you driving into my trailer on the way out or something.” 

Steve turns and asks, “Are you sure?” 

Eddie nods and gestures to the container. “Plus, there’s no way I can eat this whole thing on my own.” 

Steve is about to say that he’ll be fine when another firework goes off outside, startling him again. “Okay,” he agrees, wondering how the hell this is going to end up. Steve “The Hair” Harrington and Eddie “The Freak” Munson spending New Years together. 

Eddie hands Steve the container and grabs two bowls and forks before walking off. Steve follows behind him to what he assumes to be Eddie’s room, slightly confused about the change in scenery. 

“Sorry it’s a mess. I wasn’t expecting visitors,” Eddie says awkwardly shoving things around. 

Steve just smiles as he looks at the room. “I like it. It feels comfortable,” he confesses. And it does. With the way his parents force him to keep a spotless room that never feels lived in, it’s nice to be in a bedroom that really reflects someone. 

Eddie considers him for a moment and just nods as he takes the container and sets it on his dresser alongside the bowls before pointing at his stack of tapes. “I’m going to guess our music taste isn’t really similar, but feel free to dig through for something you might like that’ll drown out the fireworks.” 

Steve’s heart skips a beat at the thoughtfulness before he makes his way to the tapes, digging through several unfamiliar names that he kind of wants to ask about, but instead he can’t help but ask, “So, what are you doing alone on New Years?”  

Eddie scoops himself a generous amount of pasta as he answers, “Gareth is at a school thing, Jeff is with his family in New York, and Grant’s parents kind of don’t like me.” 

“Why’s that?” 

Eddie fixes Steve with a look. “I’m not exactly ‘meet the parents’ material, and it doesn’t help that I used to hold band practice in his garage and would play louder whenever they told us to quiet down.” 

Steve smiles. “I would love for you to do that to my parents. God, they would be so pissed.” He grabs another tape and instantly smiles and holds it up to Eddie. “I love Queen.” He immediately puts it into the cassette player and turns the volume up enough to block out additional noise while still being able to hear Eddie talk. 

He turns and finds Eddie handing him a bowl and fork with a soft smile on his face, “You know, you’re not what I thought you’d be.” 

“Yeah?” Steve asks. 

Eddie nods and sits cross legged on his mattress. “Honestly, I thought you’d be an asshole. You know. King Steve and all that shit.” 

Steve runs a hand through his hair as he sits next to him. “I don’t think I’m ever going to live that down.” 

“You will if you get out of Hawkins,” Eddie says, shoveling a forkful of spaghetti in his mouth. 

Steve twirls his pasta and stares at it. “I don’t know if I’ll ever leave here,” he confesses. 

“Why not?” 

“I’m not smart enough to make a living somewhere else. Plus, if I move, my parents likely won’t support me – my dad likes keeping me under his thumb. And the kids need me to drive them around.” And they need him in case Hawkins gets another dose of Hell, but he can’t tell Eddie that. “Plus, I don’t think there’s anywhere that would accept me, a former jock and asshole whose only friends are children and Robin. And they’re all so smart that they’ll eventually realize they’re dumb for keeping me around.” He stabs at his spaghetti before putting the bowl down and resting his head in his hands. “I don’t know, man.” 

There’s a pause, and Steve hears a dull thud from a firework outside the trailer even over the music that startles him a bit. It’s so damn annoying that something small like this can reduce him to this. 

“Run away with me.” 

Steve head slowly comes up. “What?” 

Eddie wipes his mouth and sets his bowl on his side table. “Run away with me,” he repeats. “After I graduate, I’m going to run like hell out of here. Come with me to find a place that accepts a former jock and a...” he trails off and looks away nervously. “Uh, a freak,” he awkwardly fills in. 

The bowl in Steve’s hand suddenly feels like it’s in the way, so he sets it on the floor before turning to Eddie and leaning closer to him, hands itching to reach out. “Come on, you can tell me what you were really going to say.” 

Eddie searches his eyes before laying back on his bed dramatically, trailing his hands over his face. “You know what I was going to say. You’ve heard the rumors. Everyone has.” 

Steve has heard several rumors about Eddie, including one about how he worships the devil and does satanic rituals on top of his trailer in the middle of the night. But he has a feeling he knows which rumor he’s talking about. “Yeah, but rumors are rumors for a reason. You never know which ones are true.” 

Eddie sighs and looks up at Steve. He looks like he’s on the verge of telling him before he asks, “So, why aren’t you with your friends tonight? The kids or Robin.” 

He looks down at Eddie for a few moments, wondering if he’ll drop the question, but he holds his ground. Steve shrugs. “Robin is at the thing with all the band kids, chickening out with her crush, and the kids don’t want their babysitter around. Plus, they want to launch fireworks or play Dungeons and Dragons or something.” 

Eddie perks up and sits up on his elbows. “Dungeons and Dragons? The kids you babysit play that?” 

“Yeah. And don’t make fun of them for it. They talk about it all the time, and I think it sounds cool,” Steve says, always quick to defend Dustin even if he’s into weird nerdy shit. 

Eddie sits up entirely and looks at Steve excitedly. “You think Dungeons and Dragons is cool?” he asks in disbelief. 

Steve shrugs in response. “It’s not really my thing, but yeah.” 

“Dude, I’m the leader of Hellfire. You know, the Dungeons and Dragons club at school? What are the kids' names?” 

“Dustin, Lucas, and Mike.” 

Eddie bounces up and down excitedly. “Holy shit, I thought Dustin was kidding when he said he was friends with you.” 

It suddenly clicks, Dustin had mentioned Eddie’s name before, but Steve had never really thought about it as Eddie Munson of all people. “Shit, Dustin talks about you all the time, I just never connected the dots.” 

“He doesn’t shut up about you. The kid adores you. He’d kill me if I took you away from here.” 

“And he’d kill you if you ever left.” 

Eddie smiles and nudges Steve. “Looks like we’re both stuck here.” 

Steve smiles back at him, eyes tracing over Eddie’s face. He’s not sure why he’s never really noticed him before. He guesses he’s always been so stuck in his own shit that Eddie just kind of passed him by somehow. But he’s finally noticing his dimples, and the way his eyes are so deeply brown and easy to get lost in, and his lips looks so full and- 

Eddie lightly shoves him back, a pink blush appearing on his cheeks, “Eat your spaghetti before it gets cold.” 

Steve grabs his bowl and does as he’s told, watching as Eddie gets up to turn up the music a little louder. When he sits back on the bed, the two eat in comfortable silence, letting the music fill the space. Steve’s not sure if he’s ever been able to warm up to someone so quickly, but it makes sense that he’d be able to bond with someone who loves Dustin. 

The song ends and goes into the next. Steve finishes his last bite of spaghetti and laughs as “Somebody to Love” starts playing. He puts his bowl down and lays back on the bed, letting the song wash over him. He sings the lyrics under his breath until he hears Eddie doing the same thing and turns to look up at him. They lock eyes just in time to sing, “Can anybody find me somebody to love?” 

Eddie laughs and lays next to him joining him through the rest of the song. Steve feels ridiculous, but Eddie makes a show of playing air guitar, yelling, “I know how to play this!” Steve just laughs and watches him, feeling his heart beat a little faster in a way it hasn’t for somebody else in a while. 

He sings the rest of the song, mainly focusing on Eddie and the way he so easily gives into the music, unafraid of what Steve might think. As it comes to an end, Steve feels something shift inside him, but Eddie is quick to laugh, “Steve Harrington how can you be struggling to find somebody to love?” 

Steve smiles sadly. “I think I’ve been looking in the wrong place all along, but I’ve been starting to think that maybe I’m unlovable.” 

Eddie scoffs and moves closer to him. “If you think you’re unlovable then there’s no hope for the rest of us.” 

Steve has to move closer to hear him over the music and talk without shouting. “Does that include you?” 

“What do you think?” Eddie asks, tilting his head with a curious smile. 

“I think,” Steve starts, unsure of how he’s going to finish the sentence, “If there’s no hope for you either, then maybe...” 

“Maybe?” Eddie prompts. 

Steve’s eyes glance down at Eddie’s lips. “Maybe...” He looks up at Eddie’s eyes, seeing the confusion, slight fear, and hope. “Maybe you should finish what you were going to say earlier.” 

“Steve...” Eddie says, “You can’t be asking me...” 

“Then, I’ll ask you. Is it midnight yet?” 

Eddie’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Not even close.” 

“What if I lie and say that it is so I can ask you for a New Years kiss?” Steve asks boldly. 

Eddie’s breath hitches. “Then, I’d say yes and start counting down from ten.” 

“Nine,” Steve says immediately. 

“Eight,” Eddie replies, shifting onto his knees. 

“Seven.” Steve scoots closer, leaning in to brush their noses together. 

“Six,” Eddie exhales. 

“Five.” Steve’s hands come up to hold onto the back of Eddie’s head. 

“Four.” Eddie’s hands press into Steve’s back to bring him closer. 

“Three.” Steve tilts his head, already brushing his lips against Eddie’s, sending a shiver down his spine. 

“Two,” Eddie whispers, hands gripping on tighter, left hand tracing up between his shoulders to slot their torsos together. 

“One,” Steve says, barely finishing the word as he presses his lips against Eddie’s, finally ending the longest countdown of his life. 

He deepens the kiss immediately, tasting spaghetti and a hint of something that is purely Eddie which he finds entirely intoxicating. 

The music fades from one song into the next, and Steve’s pretty sure a firework goes off in the silence, but he’s too distracted by Eddie to really respond to it. He feels Eddie’s arms tighten around him, slowly guiding him down to lay back on the bed. 

Eddie breaks the kiss to look down at Steve. “This okay?” he asks. 

Steve nods and says, “Happy New Year.” 

Eddie smiles and shakes his head in disbelief. “Happy fucking New Year.” 

He finally understands why people cheesily talk about fireworks going off during a kiss. And maybe even with everything, fireworks aren’t too bad if this is what he can associate them with. 

[unhingedangstaddict]

The bucktommy mpreg brainrot is so real wtf. I never thought in a million years I'd write an mpreg fic and well,,,

Here's my latest wip

Tommy was sitting on the bathroom floor next to the toliet again, crying for no reason again. He was so sick of the spontaneous crying and worse he didn’t even know why he was crying. Tommy had cried after the break-up, but he’d mostly stopped after two-ish weeks. He was sick of feeling the way he’d felt all week- horrifically nauseous and tired no matter how much he slept.

Tommy was so caught up in his wallowing and his crying that he didn’t hear Lucy enter the house, didn’t notice her standing in the doorway to the ensuite. He only noticed her when she set a plastic bag from a drug store down at his feet.

Tommy sniffled and looked up at Lucy. “I’m starting to regret giving you a key.” He wiped the tears off his cheeks.

“Is it really so terrible having someone look out for you?” Lucy crossed her arms.

Tommy was quiet.

“Thought so.” Lucy nodded.

Tommy curiously reached for the bag and looked inside.

“First time ever for me, the women's version of something was cheaper than the mens version. It’s the exact same thing, just different colored packaging.” Lucy said nonchalantly.

Tommy hardly registered what Lucy was saying as he plucked the box out of the bag. A three pack of pregnancy tests. In an instant it felt like his world had been flipped on it’s axis.

There was no way this was actually happening, but if he was- if Lucy was right about this, it would make sense. The headaches, the fatigue, the random crying, the nausea and vomiting- morning sickness. Now that Tommy thought about it, it seemed like his sense of smell had maybe been heightened the last week or so too.

“If I’m way out of line here Tommy, just tell me, it’s fine. I’ll keep ‘em for next time I have a scare.” Lucy offered.

Tommy swallowed thickly. His mind and heart were racing. This couldn’t be happening.

“Tommy?” Lucy prompted.

“I don’t know.” Tommy said quietly. Clearly Lucy had been thinking about this at least since they were on the phone not that long ago. Her suggestion to drink something made even more sense now. Tommy couldn’t believe this was his life.

“What- what do you mean you don’t know?” Lucy asked.

“I never uh, I never got tested to see if I’m a carrier.” Tommy couldn't take his eyes off the box of pregnancy tests.

“You’re joking right?” Lucy sounded shocked or maybe even pissed.

Tommy shook his head.

“How could you be so irresponsible?” Lucy questioned. “You- I can’t believe you never got tested. I can understand not getting tested as a kid with your dad being the way he is but Tommy, you’re- you sleep with men! How could you not get tested?”

Tommy spoke with a monotone voice, head clearly elsewhere. “Parents never bothered. Then I was in denial about being gay and thought I could make myself fall in love with a woman. Then it didn’t matter because I was never serious enough to ditch condoms. Then it didn’t matter when I was serious enough to ditch condoms because I was almost exclusively the top and I was too old. The thought never even crossed my mind in all the time I was with Evan.”

“Oh my god Tommy.” Lucy mumbled.

“I know.” Tommy swallowed thickly. “I guess I have to take one of these now, huh?”

“I’d recommend all three, actually.” Lucy told him. “These things aren’t the most reliable, always a chance of false negatives or positives, so it’s best to take more than one test but if you take two and get two different results then you won’t feel any better or worse than you did before taking them, until you take another. So three at once.”

“Sounds like you know from experience.” Tommy looked up at Lucy.

“I’m a woman who does not exclusively sleep with other women.” Lucy shrugged.

Lucy left the bathroom so Tommy could take the tests, and as soon as he was finished he set them on the counter, opened the door for Lucy, started a timer, and sat back down on the floor again, not confident that he wasn’t going to throw up again at any moment.

Lucy came in and sat next to Tommy on the floor. Just by looking at him she could tell he wasn’t in the mood to talk and for the time being she knew everything she needed to know. Tommy hadn’t even thought about the possibility of this so Lucy was certain that Tommy had no idea what he’d want to do about it- if Tommy was pregnant it was undoubtedly Evan’s, and Tommy was scared and heartbroken right now. Instead of talking Lucy just took his hand and held onto it.

Three minutes felt like an eternity, and if it wasn’t for Lucy holding onto Tommy’s hand, he was sure he would’ve completely lost his grip on reality. He distantly heard the timer on his phone going off, followed by Lucy giving his hand a squeeze. Tommy stopped the timer. He couldn’t look at the tests. He couldn’t move. “Can you look?” He rasped.

“Of course.” Lucy said gently. She stood, not letting go of Tommy’s hand and looked at the tests on the counter. There were two visual tests and one digital test with a weeks along indicator.

The visual tests both showed plus signs, meaning the tests were positive.

The digital test read ‘Pregnant 3+’, meaning three or more weeks along.

“Luce?” Tommy’s grip on her hand tightened.

“Positive.” Lucy told him.

“All of them?” Tommy wondered.

“All three.” Lucy nodded.

Tommy nodded slowly. “Okay.” He whispered as tears stung his eyes and quickly began to fall.

Lucy squeezed Tommy’s hand and returned to her spot on the floor next to him.

Tommy pulled his knees to his chest, rested the arm that wasn’t holding Lucy’s hand on his knees, put his head down, and sobbed for so many reasons it felt like there wasn’t even a reason to be crying at all.

[yunohentai]

night lights. warnings: noncon/cnc ?, pervert heeseung, boob guy hee, reader's older (like 2 years?), reader's shy and sophisticated, virgin reader + experienced hee, dumbification, she says no (which is like noncon) but is enjoying it so its cnc, clicking pics and recording sex too ig??, indication of blackmailing towards the end, he masturbates alot. this is like real filth with some wild kinks. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK + minors dni please.

Lee Heeseung has huge secrets, everyone thinks he's a perfect boy with great grades and a promising future ahead... but little do they know. He's the biggest pervert you could come across. Just 19 yet he's obsessed with sex. He lost his virginity at the age of 17 to a 20 year old girl who rode his dick in a huge crowded party. he was so obsessed with the feeling that since then he's been having sex every week, different pussy every time and well he got blessed to have a huge, thick cock which he knew how to use well, oh and his amazing looks... got all the girls on his dick, ready to let him ruin them.

While you, Y/F/N... knows only the main thing. 'Sex is done to reproduce.' without too much of an idea, and neither you've ever felt any "dark" desire. Innocent little sweetheart who is focused on building up a career and leading a stable life. You love shopping, studying English literature and posting on Instagram. Your tits are so huge. It's as if your tits are honey and boys are bees, they want you and your body so much... but you don't wanna give it up.

Heeseung and you were in the same college but have never crossed ways until today. You were wearing a sage green dress till your knee, which showed alot of your cleavage, your sister always bought you outfits like those in hopes you'll finally have a boy in your life.

You were on your way to class while reading through your 'Wuthering Heights' notes quickly, not noticing your way as you bumped into a guy, falling on top of him. It was obviously none other than, Heeseung. It was a very bad collision. You fell in his lap, your arm hurting as he just stared at you with his mouth wide open, eyes on the main attraction, the huge tits that were almost slipping out of the dress.

Unknowingly his hand moved towards your chest, fixing your dress as you gasped softly and looked into his eyes. he felt your cleavage and the softness made him harden a little as he got up and helped you up too. "I'm so sorry." he apologized and bowed, eyes stuck on your milky white legs. "I'm sorry too! Please forgive me!" you felt really shy and guilty as you bowed, your breasts coming all out again as he moaned lowly and made you stand straight again, "hey it's fine. anyways, I'm heeseung. Freshman." you smiled at him while fixing your dress.

That fucking smile. His heart fluttered, and butterflies filled all of his stomach and he smiled too. "I'm Y/n, Junior." he nodded his head as her cheeks burned with shyness. "I hope we become friends." he winked and walked away, leaving you a mess because of how well that handsome boy treated you and even cared about how your dress revealed your private parts! so considerate!!

He had left straight for the bathroom as he then sat in cubicle, gasping to himself. " Oh wow" he said to himself as he then started wanking, he couldn't help thinking of her. Heeseung tries to use his negative emotions like, anger and all because he works his ass off all the time. So he mostly channels those emotions sexually, kinda hot.

~ ~ ~

The day had ended as you were by your locker, putting in your books and taking the one you're gonna study at home. as heeseung came running to you. "Oh my god- listen y/n do you major in English lit. ?" he asked her, acting all worried. as you nodded your head in confusion. "why?" you asked and he leaned on the lockers. "Okay so our teacher is making me get tutored by a very annoying girl so I told him I'll find someone else, and while looking for someone else I saw you. Do you mind?" he told her with a pout on his lips, and the look in his eyes, that could make everyone melt. "Hmm... I'm not that good at it but I can help."

heeseung smiled. " thanks alot!! btw, your number?" he asked with a pretty smile and you nodded while softly blushing as you both exchanged numbers and shook hands.

~ Timeskip to a month or so later ~

You and Heeseung sat in the hallroom of your rented apartment as you helped him out with the freshman English lit syllabus, wearing shorts and sleeve less top that barely kept your tits inside. "Okay let's take a two minute break." you said and took your phone scrolling through your instagram. you were wearing a really soft shade of pink which highlighted your hard nipples because of cold and your cleavage. Heeseung pulled out his phone and subtly clicked alot of pictures of them, from even different angles.

"hey, i'm gonna use the bathroom." he said and you nodded, very busy on your phone as he quitely went towards the bathroom but sneaked into your bedroom. he knew you won't look for him for the next 10 minutes, so he went into your wardrobe for like the 5th time this month and stole another pair of your panties, it was a lacy white one as he sniffed it and moaned. "Like always. even her fucking panties smell heavenly." he said and put it in his pocket as he went back outside.

he was a bit shocked to see you stretching from your spot, your complete breasts visible and ass in the air, as you lazily tried to grab the charger and your earphones. your hard pink nipples rubbed on the wool carpet getting harder as he felt his dick harden, he looked down and saw the boner. he sighed and coughed, making her gasp and sit back up, fixing her clothes. "Are you alright?" he asked and you nodded. "Let-let's get back to work!" you said and he shook his head. "Wait y/n let me help you." he said and smirked, he knew you were gullible and he could atleast get to touch your tits tonight.

He sat down, way closer to you than before. "Straighten your back." you were about to question but he shushed you and you nodded, giving up. You followed his command as he then leaned down, now his face was almost buried in your chest and your eyes widened. "Hees-" he silenced you and grabbed your tits using his hands. "Heeseung stop!" you said in an angry tone. "just let me do it, y/n!" he said and removed your shirt with one hand and held your hands tightly with the other one. he was so ecstatic to finally see the tits.

he hooked his lips on your nipple and started sucking on it aggressively while caressing the other one, you could feel wetness spread down between your legs. Confusion was what you felt, what's happening- why am i loving it..? she let out a string of hot moans as he grew harder and harder, he then sucked her tits really good, the nipples un-hardening slowly. he then pulled away.

"see. that's how they un-harden" he rolled his eyes and you looked into his eyes. "oh... thank you... heeseung.. can we conti-continue?" he shook his head. "I'm going home." you nodded as he left.

you didn't know or understand this feeling between your legs, as you went into your bedroom, touching between your legs and gasping. "Oh god- i'm just gonna sleep-" you gasped and hugged the pillow between your legs falling asleep.

And well in your sleep, you humped that pillow, thinking it's heeseung's thigh. oh your first wet dream!

while heeseung thrusted his dick into your panties, and also wanked himself off, moaning and grunting your name. how you moaned, your scent, the smell of you in the panties, your tits, your innocence, your beauty.. everything turned him on so bad as he grabbed his phone and wanked himself more and faster, watching you boobs.

~ The next week ~

For the full next week you were acting weird. turning red whenever heeseung was around, and not even avoiding him at all, trying to get closer to him. While heeseung enjoyed the attention and continued to secretly steal your panties and click lewd pictures of you.

For example, He dropped his fork down on purpose and went down the table, where you sat with your legs open wide and enjoyed the food as he clicked a photo. Then when you were busy looking for something under your bed, he got a picture of your perfect round ass. Oh and when you thought he was in the bathroom and sheepishly pushed your hand inside your shorts, feeling and caressing her clit. that photo made him feel so fucking turned on. he litreally caught you touching yourself, he thought. And last, when you had left your main door unlocked and he got in, you had taken off your lens and were showering, you didn't even see him when he got the most lewd of all pictures and videos. Photo and video of you squeezing and scrubbing your tits and them bouncing etc.

He was in love with your body and with sexualizing you. He was excited to fuck you and feel your pussy.

Today you went over to heeseung's so you could help him out with the work and studying as his exam was approaching. you wore the tightest and revealing dress today. it was till your thigh and super tight on the breast region making them pop out more. you had no idea why you were doing this but dressing up for him was fun.

you rang the bell and smiled as he opened the door. "hey y/n, welcome" he greeted as you walked in, taking of your jacket and hanging it. heeseung was done with life now, you're wearing a peach dress till your thighs which was flying everywhere because of the fan, showing him your black underwear and the fact your tits were spilling out and your nipples were visible, you weren't even wearing a bra.

he was now almost offended, she acts innocent? and then dresses like that? is she fooling me.. he pushed away the thoughts and led her into his bedroom as the two sat down and today you were helping him finish his sketches for submission. his arm was pressed in the region between your breasts as you led his hand and helped him sketch. "see, that's how you do it. you're bad at this." you said and continued to lead his hand, as your tits then rubbed on his arm.

That. drived him insane, but he held back and decided to play the same game with you. you giggled at his bad drawing and made fun of him. "Oh yeah? You're so mean" He said and started to tickle you as you giggled and fell backwards onto his bed as he was on top of you tickling you while you giggled and bounced. His eyes were stuck on your tits. "OKAY STOP STOP NOW."

He stopped and you looked into his eyes, seeing a certain look on his face which scared you and brought that same feeling between your legs. "Y/n, Can I?" he asked leaning in to kiss you as you let the thoughts leave your head and pulled him closer by the collar of his shirt and let him lead.

His hands were next to your head as he softly kissed you, slowly speeding up and biting your lips. His hands ranged lower while touching your thighs and touching you sensually as you made out with while breathing heavily. Soon the reality hit you as you pulled away and tried to push him off of you. "heeseung no no-"

You were resisting him but the soft look in his eye had now been replaced by something darker, something more scary. Chills went down your spine and your pussy fluttered. "Shh" He whispered and started to leave a trail of harsh bites kisses from your chin to your shoulder blade. "I've been waiting for this moment. Don't fuck it up for me."

"Heeseung stop, let me go." you said as a few moans left your mouth too. He rolled his eyes and slapped your face as you gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. With one swift moment he threw everything that was on the bed away and pulled you closer to him.

"Are you nicely gonna take it off or should i tear it off?" He asked as you looked at him with doe eyes hoping he'd stop but the need in your eyes stood out to him more. "Fine." And there was your dress, left only in shred around your thighs.

Your tits fell out with a small bounce as he licked his lip at that view. He shimmied off the shreds and your panties to the side as you tried to stop him, few tears forming in your eyes. I want to feel more.. you thought but tried to kick him off of yourself. "Please stop this!!"

His hand moved between your legs harshly as the other one held you down, he rubbed your clit harshly and waited for your wetness to grow so he could put his fingers inside your walls while you complained and cried. His lips were abusing your tits like an animal, biting, pulling the nipple and kissing them. You were moaning and rubbing your hips against his fingers while he thrusted them harshly.

"It- hurts.." You cried out with your eyes closed and he smiled. "Just the way my dick used to hurt watching you in those tiny clothes love." He said and continued abusing your tits and pussy. The tears weren't there because of disgust or any negative feeling, you were crying because you were actually liking it. You knew your dad would kill you if he found out you consummated before marriage.

He was just there admiring your beauty as you threw your head back and moaned softly to his touches. He moved a bit away and stopped touching you as you looked at him. He was rummaging through his side table cupboard as he pulled out a vibrator. You were confused as you watched his click a button and put it into your pussy. "OH GOD-" you moaned and threw your head back.

He then took off his own clothes and started to rub his tip while watching you get off. "Need to get my dick wet myself because you're too dumb to do it for me." He tsked. He noticed how the area around her breast and her face had turned, there was drowsiness in her eyes. "M-my belly-" you moaned as he then stopped to pull the vibrator out.

"Please stop it heeseung... this isn't r-right" You whispered as his hands moved behind your head, and he grabbed your head by your hair. His lips were inches away from yours as he whispered. "I don't care." and there he was, pushing both of your hands above your head and pushing your legs wide apart.

You could feel it, all too much. Even the smallest of touch and the smallest sound in the nearest area, you could feel it all, hear it all. You closed your eyes tightly, slowly fighting the grip his hand had on your hands while he just slid his penis inside you, your faces inches away as a few more tears fell out of your eyes. "I hate you" You whispered out as you felt rippling pain with his soft motion. "D-DON'T!" Heeseung stares at you as you complain about the slight pain.

"Be a woman, Y/n." He whispered as he slowly started to move, taking his time and let the pain turn into pleasure. The moment it did change, it was too clear. You couldn't protest anymore as your hands moved to his shoulder, scratching and wanting him to increase his speed so bad but no word left your mouth except the moans.

"Fuck. this feels so good. so so good" he panted out like an excited child, but in a deep voice. You could feel the shivers on your back as you shook underneath him, letting your breasts bounce and jiggle with each and every hard thrust. Heeseung continued to pound into you senselessly, his eyes stuck on your breasts well it shifted to see your face twist into a pleasure-ful expression. "Gorgeous"

His hands were free now so they dived lower, rubbing your clit while he moved his hips graciously rubbing against THE stop. You felt these overwhelming feelings for the first time in your life, you knew you could just explode anytime and then there came the tickles in your belly. "My belly!" you gasped as you felt his pace increase, it was indicating your coming orgasm and well also how deep his dick was into you. It could be seen when he thrusted inside. "m-my god-"

"You're all mine now" he smiled, watching his cock create the bulge in your belly, proudly. He groaned when you clenched a little too hard on his dick. It twitched inside of you, as you felt him paint your insides white. That feeling broke your control too as you felt all of your tension and stress evaporate along with the "liquid".

You felt free, but little did you know by putting that small camera right in the correct corner... he might have changed everything, and made sure that you stay with him and only him.

[walpu]

I'm coming at you with the speed of thousand asteroids affectionately and hit you with a "your writing is awesome!"

Also, may I request an Aventurine x The Nameless!reader.

Thank you very much and have a nice day :D

Thank you so much for your kind words and for the request, it was so fun to write <З

Hope you'll enjoy it, have a good day as well 💛

Aventurine x The Nameless!reader

characters - Aventurine

notes - gn!reader, fluff, a bit of hurt/comfort. Once again, no beta. I'm so sorry.

Aventurine

Considering that the Astral Family and it's members are pretty well-known (everyone seems to know at least their names) he has probably heard something about you even before you first met him.

I can imagine your first meeting going like this: he casually approaches you, acting all buddy-buddy, and says something like "ah, mx , who knew I would meet you here of all places <З".

If your first meeting was during the Penacony quest get ready for him calling you "friend" in this sassy voice of his 💀 Yes Aven we all get it you don't have any actual friends calm down

Can imagine him trying to get closer to you by painting your potential partnership as something mutually beneficial. You could use a friend from the IPC, right? And he wouldn't mind having some connections with a "brave and honorable" Nameless. So why don't you join him for a glass of wine, hmmm?

When the two of you will eventually get closer this mf will get clingy af. Yeah I've mentioned it already in my previous post but you being one of the Nameless opens up so many new perspectives.

Visits you on the Express regularly. If he comes when you're not here, he'll wait for as long as he can for you to come back. Sadly, Aventurine is a busy, busy man. So he can't wait for long. Will leave small notes for you tho, to let you know that he was there but you didn't grace him with your presence

If you come back when he's waiting, Aven will play it off as if he himself just got there and didn't have to wait for you at all, saying somethin like "Oh look, here you're! And here I thought I would have to wait for you, haha. Seems like luck is on my side today~"

He doesn't want you to worry, after all. Also. He wants to save some face. Pom-Pom will rat him out anyway.

Speaking of Pom-Pom, they're probably sick of him at this point lol.

Would ask you about your adventures and listen very closely to every story you may want to tell. He can't help but smile softly while listening to you, he just loves seeing the passion in your eyes. Doesn't matter if the story is about you dragging the Trailblazer away from the trash cans in Belobog (or worse - admiring the trash cans with them), he will still look at you with the same adoring smile.

If you ask him what he's been up to during the time you where gone, Aven would simply laugh it off and say that his boring IPC stuff cannot compare with your bizarre adventures so it doesn't even worth mentioning. Reassure him that you don't care if it's boring, you just want to hear about his day regardless of how it went.

Sometimes he can't help but feel jealous. You're free to travel, to do whatever you want. You have this sparkle of excitement in your eyes every time you tell him about your travels. And he has nothing of it. Simply can't have.

He doesn't have any negative feelings towards you, of course. Mostly some bottled up bitterness toward his fate and himself.

He gets a bit lost in his own head every time he starts feeling this way. Please take his hand and invite him to join you during your next adventure. He will laugh softly and tell you "maybe next time, darling". Even if he doesn't know when this "next time" will come the thought of it, of you wanting to share your precious moment with him, fills him with hope.

Adores when you bring him small gifts from the places you've been. It doesn't have to be something big, really. Just the thought that you were thinking of him when the two of you were apart is enough.

Don't forget to send him pictures of yourself!!!! He wants to know how his dearest darling is doing even when they are freezing their ass off in Belobog.

Would sometimes surprise you by showing up on the planet/space ship you're currently staying on. Aventurine rarely can't stay for a long but he cherishes those short moments when he can just walk around and do nothing in particular with you.

Usually when he visits a planet it has something to do with the IPC's business so he only has time to do his job and. Well. Gamble. Maybe buy some new clothes too if he has enough time.

But with you he can actually explore the planet. You bring him to the local restaurants, small tea shops, seemingly small and insignificant places. But it’s places like these that reveal the real beauty of the planet. He slowly learns to appreciate it when you're by his side.

[steddieas-shegoes]

oh love, i'm terrified

for @steddielovemonth prompt 'love is terrifying'

rated t | 1,585 words | cw: negative self views | tags: falling in love, getting together, love confessions, sappy and fluffy

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

He thought he was being obvious.

He doesn't do this stuff for everyone else. He doesn't show up after work to hang out for no reason other than just wanting to be around the other person. He doesn't talk on the phone for three hours in the middle of the night to comfort the other person after nightmares. He doesn't fucking stargaze with anyone.

But with Eddie he does. Steve always goes out of his way for Eddie.

He knows why, and he feels like everyone can see it too: he loves him.

But somehow, Eddie doesn't see it, or chooses not to.

Even Dustin, oblivious to human emotion as anyone else Steve's ever met, pulled him aside after Hellfire one night --yes, he even attends Hellfire now-- to ask if he knew he was flirting with Eddie so much.

Robin and Nancy had called him out on two different occasions for touching him too much in public, but he hadn't even realized his hand had gone to his waist!

And Eddie still seemed clueless.

Or at least, most of the time he seemed clueless.

Sometimes, though, Steve could swear he looked at him in a specific way, a way that Steve would think is understanding and maybe even returned feelings. But he never said anything, never did anything out of the ordinary for Eddie.

Months of wondering what the hell he could do differently, months of being less and less subtle every day, months of showing how much he loved him without actually saying it.

All for Eddie to still be oblivious.

But not tonight,

Tonight, he was going to Eddie's to have dinner and watch a movie. Wayne was on a fishing trip with his buddies from work, and all the kids were at the same summer camp, probably torturing underpaid teenage counselors.

No interruptions were possible.

He could bring out all his moves, and if Eddie still didn't get it by the end of the night, maybe he could even use his words.

"Dinner's almost ready!" Eddie yelled from the kitchen as Steve let himself in. "I didn't burn anything!"

Steve rolled his eyes fondly. "Sounds like something someone who burnt dinner would say."

"I didn't! I mean one edge is a little crispy on the lasagna, but I think that's because our oven is older than Wayne. You think the government could've given us a better oven for my troubles, but apparently not," Eddie turned to Steve standing in the doorway. "You look...nice."

Steve always liked to look nice, but he'd decided to dress up a little bit tonight, try to make his intentions clear right from the start. His hair was done as usual, but he was wearing his khaki slacks instead of jeans and his nicest navy polo instead of the t-shirts he'd mostly been wearing outside of work. He even sprung for his watch that his dad gave him as a graduation gift. He hated to know how much money was wasted on it, but it did look nice.

"Thanks. You do too," Steve replied.

Eddie looked down at his own clothes and back up at Steve. "Dude, I'm wearing sweats and a t-shirt that has more holes than cloth. You don't have to lie."

"I'm not lying. You always look best when you're comfy," Steve shrugged. "Need help with anything?"

Eddie shook his head. "Not unless you wanna grab beers from the fridge. I forgot to get some this afternoon so they're just Wayne's PBRs, but a cold beer's a good beer, right?"

"Right," Steve agreed, walking to the fridge to grab the beers.

Dinner went as dinner usually does, except they actually sat at the table this time instead of the couch. Eddie seemed surprised when Steve set his things down in front of the chair he only sat in to keep Eddie company while he planned for campaigns, but just silently joined him.

They talked and joked, they made themselves laugh so hard beer almost came out of Eddie's nose. It was perfect.

After, Steve started working on the dishes, Eddie standing by the counter watching.

He was quiet, which was unusual, especially when no one else was around to fill the silence.

"Everything okay, Eds?" Steve asked as he scrubbed a particularly difficult area on a fork.

"What? Oh. Yeah."

Steve turned to look at him, suddenly worried when he saw Eddie's face turned down to the floor. This wasn't them. They'd just had a nice dinner, and now Eddie was being...shy?

Now was his chance. He could say it. Robin would be proud of him for finally just doing it.

Hell, he'd be proud of himself for doing it.

But something seemed wrong, and the last thing Steve wanted was to turn a good night bad because he couldn't reign in his feelings for a bit.

He wiped his hands on the towel by the sink and turned fully towards Eddie.

"What's wrong?"

Eddie shook his head once, then sighed. "I kind of feel like I've been wined and dined tonight. And that's ridiculous because you're just one of my best friends, and you're straight, and it's all been in my head for months, but-"

"Woah. Wait." Steve interrupted. "You've been noticing that for months? And you didn't say anything?"

"Well, no. I didn't wanna ruin our friendship because I can't handle my own hopes getting up." Eddie leaned away from Steve further. "I know you don't mean it that way. I don't want you to change anything."

"Eds-"

"And if you do want to, that's fine! Whatever would make you comfortable. I just have to say it's feeling very 'I have romantic feelings' for you territory and I know you don't so."

"Eddie."

"I'm also not good at that though. No one's ever shown interest in me other than one girl in high school who ended up moving away a week later so I didn't even have to break her heart."

Steve crashed his lips to Eddie's, half hoping it would shut him up, and half hoping he would somehow keep rambling. He kind of loved watching him ramble.

It did shut him up. Even when Steve pulled away, Eddie's silence was deafening.

"Sorry. I should've asked if I could first, but I don't think you would have even heard me. Was that okay?" Steve asked.

"Why did you do that?" Eddie sounded heartbroken.

That's not what Steve wanted at all.

"I wanted to. I have wanted to."

"No you don't."

This was not going the way Steve had hoped for. "How would you know I don't?"

"Because I'm me! I'm just the dude who gets the good weed, and says funny shit, and cooks dinner sometimes. I'm not a girl Steve Harrington falls in love with, or even takes on a date. I'm not the type you build a relationship and future with. I'm just the guy who gets to watch everyone else do that. I'm not good for that."

"What the hell do you mean?" Steve was angry now. Who had convinced Eddie he couldn't have good things, couldn't be loved or love someone, couldn't be important? "You're Eddie Munson. You saved us all from an evil wizard dude and nearly died doing it. You're the guy who makes me a sandwich when I come over for Hellfire even though there's strict no eating during the campaign rules because you know I've been working all day and need to eat. You turn all my bad days good, and make my life better just because you're you."

"Steve-"

"My turn." Steve crowded him against the counter, hands cupping his cheeks and eyes boring into Eddie's. "I need you to understand something. I've been trying to show how much I care about you, how much I love you, for months, and I've been thinking I've just been terrible at it. I thought I truly did lose all my charm. I've been pulling all my moves out for you. I was starting to think maybe you just were trying to ignore it all to let me down easy, but it isn't that. It's because you don't see how fucking amazing you are, isn't it?"

Eddie's eyes were shining with unshed tears.

"Because you are. You're incredible. Maybe the best person I've ever known other than Robin. I find excuses to be near you. I find reasons to talk to you. I didn't even have a nightmare the other night, I just wanted to hear your voice. I'm in love with you. Like, the real stupid, do anything for you even if it hurts me kind. And if you don't feel anything for me besides friendship, I'll leave right now and I'll do my best to get over it so we can be friends."

"And if I do?"

"If you do love me, then you should kiss me."

"I've never kissed anyone."

"That's not true. We kissed two minutes ago," Steve smirked, his heart racing in his chest.

"I'm scared," Eddie's whispered admittance nearly broke Steve's heart.

"Oh love, I'm terrified. Love is like that. But we've faced scarier things, haven't we?"

Eddie's soft lips against his own was the only answer he needed.

Love was terrifying, even for Steve, maybe especially for Steve, who was used to giving a lot more love than he received back. But as they kissed in Eddie's kitchen for seconds that turned to minutes, minutes that turned to hours, they got just a bit less scared.